track. ‘We’re going to have to move Patrick. Like I said, my daughter was sitting on him this morning and—’
‘Patrick won’t hurt her,’ Granny Mary said, very definitely. ‘He’s ride and drive. I don’t ride any more these days, but you could stick a saddle on that beast and take him across country any day of the week. He’s obliging, is Patrick.’
I had a brief mental image of the rotund barrel shape of Patrick hurtling around the countryside and jumping obstacles. As long as those obstacles came no higher than his knees and you could find a saddle that would fit, and you didn’t go fast or for longer than five minutes, she was probably right. ‘That’s beside the point,’ I said, sharply. ‘The fact is that I don’t want my daughter sitting on him, and he’s eaten most of the grass and he’s poaching up the little orchard into mud.’
Granny Mary, still looking out of the window, shrugged. ‘He’s used to poor grazing,’ she said. ‘Get him some feed in. Gabe knows my bank details, get him to transfer you some money. Patrick will be fine. He’s never been rugged up in his life, and there’s enough shelter under those old apple trees.’
‘But—’ I began.
‘And Gabe was saying that they might be using him in this detective series they’re filming. That’ll be nice, seeing Patrick on the TV.’ She spoke comfortably, as though this was a done deal, and I took another step backwards, which sat me on the edge of the bed, as though my legs had been swept from underneath me physically as well as mentally.
The metallic eyes rested on me again. There was a slight relaxation to the eyebrows that might have been amusement. ‘Got you over a bit of a barrel here, haven’t we?’ she observed. ‘You need the money from them filming at your place, and they’ll only film if you keep Patrick.’
‘Yes, thank you for pointing that out.’ I tried to think. Well, at least I could charge her for the hay and the hay net. I’d been a bit worried I was going to be picking up the bill for Patrick’s increasing winter appetite.
‘I wouldn’t have put him in there when I felt this coming on—’ Granny Mary waved a hand at her head ‘—if I didn’t think he’d be safe. And the van, is the van all right?’
‘We put it in the orchard too,’ I said, a bit weakly.
‘Good. Got to watch out – there’s always someone wants a poke about inside. Don’t know why. It’s like they think we’re hobbits or something, just cos we live in a little space. People buy places that are far too big. All you need is a bed, a cooker and somewhere to wash, not all this fancy “utility room” gubbins and suchlike.’
I refrained from mentioning that a working toilet was also desirable. I hadn’t got to grips with what she’d been doing for lavatorial facilities in the caravan, and wasn’t sure I wanted to know.
To my utter relief, a confusion at the ward entrance brought Gabriel back in, bearing a copy of New Scientist and a Horse & Hound. ‘Wasn’t sure what you felt like reading,’ he said, slightly breathless as though he’d hurried, which made me like him even more. He wasn’t immune to the Granny Mary effect, and knew that she’d be using it on me, it seemed. ‘So, I got both.’
‘Good lad,’ she said, equably.
‘Any idea when they’re letting you out?’ I asked, trying to sound neutral and not at all ‘when can I expect your pony gone from my orchard?’.
‘Oh, they’re not hurrying.’ She took the New Scientist and flipped to the back pages. ‘It was a minor stroke, they reckon, but they want to make sure that there’s no long-lasting effects.’
‘Oh.’
Gabriel nudged me and, when I looked at him, he twitched his head towards the door and, sod liking him, I practically fell on him with kisses of gratitude. ‘We don’t want to tire you out,’ he said, ‘so we’ll be off.’
‘Right-oh,’ said Granny Mary, without looking up. ‘Just text if there’s a problem. And see that this young lady gets reimbursed for Patrick’s expenses.’ And that cold, bright stare came up to focus on me again, like a sudden frost. ‘She seems concerned about money.’
I wanted to say that I was more concerned for Patrick’s welfare, and opened my mouth to argue, but Gabriel bundled me off the ward and back out to the car park before