away the Billy I was manifesting in my everyday life.
“Is it something you want to explore, or have you put it to rest?” he wondered just then, studying me. “Because I can ask around, Charlotte.”
I went still, surprised by his offer. “That would be tough to dig around for, don’t you think? How could you get a straight answer?”
Jem just watched me, an unspoken answer behind his gaze. “I have ways of knowing.”
I thought about his question. If it was something I had put to rest, I wouldn’t have mentioned it.
Vibrating sounded from his pocket just then. He pulled out his phone and gave the screen a quick glance before sighing slowly. I knew he had to leave. His movements slowed down as he looked up at me with a forced smile. “I gotta go, Charlotte.”
I felt a pang in my chest. Loneliness beckoned to me. “I know.”
This time his stare lingered on me, sincerity pooling in his eyes. “If it gets too much, you give me a call, okay?”
I nodded. “I will.”
“Anytime, Char. Day or night. Today, tomorrow, next week. I made a promise to Conor to look out for you. I’m not going to let either of you down.”
I smiled, giving him a warm look. “Thank you, Jem.”
He nodded and started to walk backwards. “You know my number. Keep me updated on your gremlin upstairs, alright?”
“I will.”
“And let me know if you want me to look into Billy.”
He was gone as swiftly as he’d come. I didn’t know how much I had needed the company until he was gone, leaving me alone in the kitchen to my thoughts.
“Did you really have to bring me up?” Billy asked, appearing from across the island. “You really think someone sent me to you?”
I took a sip of my coffee as I looked him over. He always looked the same: black shirt over dark jeans, black hair long enough to cover most of his forehead, skin so pale it made his haunting blue eyes look like diamonds. This was what he looked like on that day.
He shook his head at me, disappointed. “You just can’t stop thinking about me, can you? You can’t stop to consider no one sent me to you that day. Because a part of you still cares for me. On some base level, you remember me before I turned black, and it fucks you up.”
I took another sip and redirected my gaze to the monitor, watching as Penny began to stir.
“You know the truth,” Billy continued. “You know it was all me.”
I shook my head, refusing to believe that. “No, it wasn’t.”
“Denial is your heart telling you you’re not ready to accept the truth, even if it’s staring at you in the face.”
“Then why did you come back?” I challenged, glaring at him.
“Because I loved you.”
“Bullshit.”
“I had a sickness in my head. I was never like this.”
“You were a monster,” I snarled, tears stinging my eyes. “I trusted you once!”
Now he looked wretched. His eyes pleaded for me, pleaded for me to remember.
For a flash of a second, I shut my eyes and did.
I remembered being dumped at Mom’s on weekends Dad had to work away.
I remembered…
The summer day was humid.
Billy had ridden in the back seat with me, kicking the car seat in front of him, pissing Mom off. My stepdad was too happy that day to tell him off.
“Stop that,” Mom growled, huffing in the front.
I held my breath so I wouldn’t laugh.
I liked Billy.
Mom had just gotten married and it was my first time hanging out for so long with Billy.
Billy glanced at me, smiling cheekily. “What’re you reading, Charlotte?” he asked.
I showed him my book and he sat close to me, looking over it. “Those are big words,” he stated, frowning.
“My teacher said I’m three reading levels ahead of where I’m supposed to be,” I explained proudly.
“Wow,” he exclaimed, stars in his eyes as he glanced up at me, his stark blue eyes shining. “You’re so smart, Charlotte.”
Mom scoffed from the backseat. “Yeah, let’s see how long that lasts.”
My cheeks burned, my eyes pricked with tears as she looked disgustedly at me, muttering under her breath, “Intelligence won’t get a girl far in this world.”
Billy scowled at her before grabbing at my hand, clasping it tightly. “I think Charlotte will be super-duper smart.”
My heart softened at his encouraging smile.
When we got to the camping grounds, Mom and Paul dumped us at the pebbled beach alongside the bay. Then they grabbed their fold out chairs