Concealed Hearts (Hometown Jasper #4) - Nicky James Page 0,80

talk about it tonight? I don’t want to do this on the phone.”

“Sure.”

“I’m going to sneak out of here and head to the cabin early. Meet me out there whenever you’re done. Be careful … for now.”

“You too.”

There was a space of time before we hung up. In that void were all the unspoken words we hadn’t admitted or shared with each other yet. Emotions. Feelings. All those things that had tangled around us unexpectedly.

For the first time in my life, I’d found someone more important to me than the secret I’d carried my whole life. If being with Tomi meant owning the truth, then maybe it was time.

* * *

The rest of my day was experienced through a layer of underlying anxiety. John checked in on me twice, reiterating his point that I seemed off. When I announced I was leaving early, he didn’t seem surprised. Who knew? Maybe he thought I was fighting with the missus.

I waved goodbye to Matthew on my way past the storage room. It looked tidier, and I made a mental note to praise him for his hard work tomorrow. I didn’t have it in me today.

I sat in my Jeep in the station parking lot for a long time, thinking. People wandered up and down the sidewalks, lots of cars driving past. Folks coming and going, moving about their daily lives, unaware of my turmoil.

Did they really care what I was doing on my own time? Was anyone truly keeping tabs on me? Were we too paranoid?

I started the engine and pulled onto the street, aiming for the county road. Twice, I checked my rearview mirror before cursing out loud and slamming a fist against my steering wheel. Was this the person I wanted to be? Suspicious of everyone around me? Searching the shadows for potential lurkers and spies? All because I wanted to see the man I was fast falling for and fearing what others might think.

The thought was jarring, and I almost slammed on my brakes. Was that it? Was I falling for Tomi? Was that why this whole ordeal was eating at me and scaring me so much? Was it coming out as gay or losing him that was causing this unsettled panic in my core?

What did I have in life?

My father had died, my mother wouldn’t see me, I had no kids, and no friends who knew the real me. All I had was my job. It was a lonely, sad existence. Until Tomi had come along. For the first time, I saw potential on the horizon. He made me smile. I loved our long conversations and his obsessive need to keep everything in order.

But falling for Tomi came with a steep price. Was I ready to pay? If I came out, there was no going back.

As I turned onto the service road toward the cabin, the answer seemed obvious, and I didn’t know why I’d been so blind.

I found Tomi on the back deck, feet propped up on the railing. He glanced over when I yanked the patio door open. He graced me with a tired smile, face strained. It was the first time in over a week that we’d seen each other early enough to enjoy a sunset and dinner together.

“Hey. There’s cold beer,” he said, nodding inside. “I thought we might need it.”

I grabbed two and joined him, placing my chair beside his and resting our feet together. For a long time, we enjoyed our drinks without conversation. The tension was palpable, and the strain I read in Tomi’s body was the same as I was feeling in my own.

“I found out today that my new office administrator is gay. I guess I don’t have that sixth sense most gay men have because I had no clue.”

“Matthew?”

“Yeah. He seems comfortable with who he is. Do you ever wonder why we can’t feel that same level of comfort?”

“All the time. I look at Shay, and I don’t get it.”

“Me too.” I tipped my bottle to my mouth, draining it. “Maybe it won’t be so bad.”

“Maybe.”

But maybe it will.

Another long stretch of silence.

The sun vanished behind the mountains, and the sky turned into a wash of various colors as the day came to an end. The temperatures dropped fast as evening approached, and Tomi shivered.

“Hang tight. I’ll be back.” I grabbed his empty and headed inside.

I found two new bottles of beer and dug through a linen closet where I found a large fleece blanket. Outside, I took