Concealed Hearts (Hometown Jasper #4) - Nicky James Page 0,81
Tomi’s hand and guided him off the deck and over the bumpy terrain until I got to a niche of rocks. They radiated warmth from when they had been bathed in sunlight. I sat with my back against a large boulder and encouraged Tomi to sit between my spread thighs. I wrapped the blanket around us both, and we stayed there, enjoying our drinks and watching the sunset in our own private haven.
When our drinks were gone, I broached the subject again. “So, what are we gonna do?”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to go back to BC and never see you again. The idea makes me anxious.”
“Me too.” I nuzzled Tomi’s neck and spoke near his ear—a truth that was easier to voice in the darkness. “I’m falling pretty hard for you, Tomi Lee. The fear of losing you is outweighing the fear of what other people might think.”
He shifted in my arms, searching my soul as he touched my face. “I don’t want to lose this either.”
He kissed me, and I tasted his fear as ripe as my own. The hows and whens weren’t discussed. There was no solid plan for later. It was barely the fragile makings of a decision. We needed time to absorb bit by bit. The bigger question was, could we take action, or were we all talk?
I got the feeling it was one of those things that could easily get shoved aside and shoved aside until summer vanished and we went our separate ways.
Maybe we couldn’t own the fear. It might forever own us.
We didn’t bring up the subject again, and the conversation drifted as we watched the stars come out.
“Have you ever fired your gun?” Tomi asked.
“Nope. On the range, but not in the line of duty.”
“How about unholstering it? Ever had to take it out when a situation got crazy?”
“Never.”
“Really? Never?”
“It’s rare for Jasper to see anything worse than domestic disturbances or traffic violations. The drug bust was the most dangerous case I’ve worked in ten years. But it didn’t get violent or escalate to anything that required a weapon.”
“You have it easy. Would you ever want to be a cop in a big city?”
Tomi snuggled against my chest, and I held him tight in my arms as we chatted.
“No. I like the laidback pace of Jasper. I like the small community and knowing the people in town. I’d be lost in a place like Edmonton or Vancouver. Not sure I could adjust to the high crime rates after doing this for so long.”
“I get it. Look.” His hand darted out from under the blanket, and he pointed skyward where clusters of stars had made their appearance.
“I don’t see it.”
“There was a shooting star. It’s gone now. You don’t see stars like this in the city. I miss stuff like this.”
“What about you? Is teaching full-time at the university your end goal?”
“In essence. I love teaching. I’m not sure they’ll ever offer me full-time, but it’s my dream. There are only a few full-time professors and a bunch of part-time ahead of me who will get the positions first when they open up. I’ve considered applying to a few high school postings in my area. It would be easy to get in. I’m fully qualified.”
“Teenagers?” I chuckled. “Can you handle that?”
“It would be a challenge. I don’t know. Every year, I think I should apply, and every year I find an excuse not to. I like teaching at the university, but I know I won’t get anywhere.”
“One of these days, you’ll do it.” I kissed his temple. “Should we go inside and find something for dinner?”
“Sounds good. Then bed?”
“It’s a plan.”
I had a feeling our days were numbered, and I wanted to absorb every second of Tomi.
Chapter Eighteen
Windsor
I didn’t know if there was a name for men like us. There should be. We were the kind who had all the good intentions in the world, but those good intentions would never see the light of day. Two more weeks had passed, and neither of us had brought up the topic of coming out again. It was the elephant in the room each time we got together, and we’d become skilled at pussy-footing around it.
There were more awkward encounters on the street, but we’d both decided it was easier to avoid talking about the problem than face it. We continued in our secret bubble of bliss, convinced it would never pop.