and did personally promote you! What do you have to do in order to get a vacation spot that jibes with your fiancée’s schedule? Stop mass fratricide? Cure the common cold?”
“Claire, it’s not a question of—”
“Whatever you have to do, you should have done it!” Claire snapped. “Of all the idiotic times for a vacation, June tenth absolutely takes the brass bologna! Of all the incredibly ridiculous—”
“It’s not my fault, Claire. Claire, the schedule is made out by Lieutenant—”
“…incredibly ridiculous times for a vacation, June tenth positively wins the fur-lined bathtub!”
“All right,” Kling said.
“All right?” she repeated. “What’s all right about it? It reeks! It’s bureaucracy in action! Hell, it’s totalitarianism!”
“It’s a hell of a thing, all right,” Kling agreed. “Would you like me to quit my job? Shall I get a nice democratic position like shoemaker or butcher or—”
“Oh, stop it.”
“If I were a midget,” Kling said, “I could probably get a job stuffing Vienna sausages. Trouble is—”
“Stop it,” she said again, but she was smiling.
“You better?” he asked hopefully.
“I’m sick,” she answered.
“It’s a tough break.”
“Let’s have a drink.”
“Rye neat,” he said.
Claire looked at him. “No need to go all to pieces, Officer,” she said. “It’s not the end of the world. Worst comes to worst, you can go on vacation with some other girl.”
“That sounds like a good idea,” Kling said, snapping his fingers.
“And all I’ll do is break both your arms,” Claire said. She poured two hookers of rye and handed one of them to Kling. “Here’s to a solution.”
“You just hit the solution,” Kling said, raising the glass to his lips. “Another girl.”
“Don’t you dare drink to that!” Claire said.
“You’re sure finals don’t begin until the seventeenth?”
“Positive.”
“Can you swing something?”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know.” Kling looked into the eye of his glass. “Aw, hell,” he said, “here’s to a solution,” and he threw it down.
Claire swallowed hers without batting an eyelid. “Let’s think,” she said.
“How many tests are there?” Kling asked.
“Five,” she answered.
“When is school over?”
“Classes end on the seventh of June. The next week is a reading week. And then finals start on the seventeenth.”
“When do they end?”
“Two weeks later. That’s when the semester is officially over.”
“June twenty-eighth?”
“Yes.”
“That’s great. I need another drink.”
“No more. We need clear heads.”
“How about you taking your tests during that last week of classes?”
“Impossible.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. It just is.”
“Has it ever been done before?”
“I doubt it strongly.”
“Hell, this is an emergency.”
“Is it? Bert, Women’s U is an all-girls school. Can I go to the dean and say I’d like to have permission to take my finals the week of the third because my boyfriend and I are leaving on vacation the following week?”
“Why not?”
“They’d probably expel me. Girls have been expelled for less.”
“Hell, I can’t see anything wrong with that.” Kling thought it over for a moment and then nodded emphatically. “There is nothing at all wrong with going on vacation with your fiancé— not boyfriend, if you please, but fiancé—especially if you plan on getting married soon.”
“You make it sound worse than I did.”
“Then your mind is as evil as your dean’s.”
“And yours, of course, is simon-pure.”
Kling grinned. “Absolutely,” he said.
“It still wouldn’t work.”
“Then give me another drink, and we’ll resort to all kinds of subterfuge.”
Claire poured two more hookers. “Here’s to all kinds of subterfuge,” she toasted. Together, they tossed off the shots, and she refilled the glasses.
“We could, of course, say you were having a baby.”
“We could?”
“Yes. And that you were going to be confined to the hospital during finals, so could you please take them a little earlier? How does that sound?”
“Very good,” Claire said. “The dean would appreciate that.” She tossed off her drink and poured another.
“Go easy there,” Kling advised. He drank his whiskey and held out his glass for a refill. “We need a clear head here—heads, I mean.”
“Suppose…” Claire said thoughtfully.
“Um?”
“No, that wouldn’t work.”
“Let me hear it.”
“No, no, it wouldn’t work.”
“What?”
“Well, I was thinking we could get married and say I had to miss finals because I was going on my honeymoon. How’s that?”
“If you’re trying to scare me,” Kling said, “you’re not.”
“I thought you wanted to wait until I graduated.”
“I do. Don’t tempt me.”
“Okay,” Claire said. “Whoosh, I’m beginning to feel that booze.”
“Keep a tight grip,” Kling said. He thought silently for a moment. “Get me a pen and some paper, will you?”
“What for?”
“Letter to the dean,” Kling said.
“All right,” Claire answered.
She walked across the room to the secretary, and Kling said, “You wiggle very nice.”
“Keep your mind on your work,” Claire