another sip of water. Goddamn my throat is as dry as the fucking desert.
“Zack, how do you expect me to believe anything you say?” she cries. “You’ve done nothing but lie to me from day one.”
“I understand how you’d think that’s the case, but I never lied about anything with us Lana.”
“You never told me your last name was Williams? You never told me you’re from the western part of the state? You never told me you worked in finance?”
“Yes, I did, but those are the only things I lied about.”
She laughs. “That’s the problem Zack, you don’t look at lying the same as I do. Lies are lies no matter what motivates them or how many you tell.” She shakes her head. “I’m not going to tell anyone who you are.” Tears fall down her cheeks. “I don’t want to see you ever again. I want you to move away and I’ll forget the last few months ever happened. My friends will never know about you.”
I always knew it was going to come to this. I don’t want to leave her. I want to spend every day of the rest of my life with her by my side, and make up for all the horrible things I’ve done, but she deserves so much better than I’ll ever be.
I stare into her beautiful eyes for the last time. Green. Now, I know what color they are when she’s hurt. I want to beg her to forgive me. To never stop loving me. But I don’t. All I do is nod my head because I’m not strong enough to say the word she wants to hear out loud.
“You’ll leave?” she questions.
I nod again and clench my teeth to keep myself from begging her to forgive me.
She pushes her chair back and walks off without a backward glance.
I want to stay in my seat. I want to let her go, but I need to tell her how much she means to me one more time. I jump up, following her. I spin her around and press her back into the door as I connect my lips with hers one final time. She kisses me back her fingers gripping my hair. I want so much more from her, but taking her against the door isn’t how I want to say goodbye. That would only make her feel bad.
Pulling my lips from hers I place my forehead on hers, and close my eyes. “I love you Lana. If you believe nothing else, please know that’s true.” My hands cup her cheeks and I kiss her forehead before I turn and walk away from her. I can’t watch her walk out my door, knowing it’s the last time I’ll ever see her.
I spend the rest of the day and night lost in a rum and coke haze. I feel like shit when I wake up the next day, physically and emotionally. I hate knowing she’s so close by and I can’t see her. Being far away from her will be even worse. How will I make it through each day without the promise of seeing her to get me through?
After I take a shower I’m feeling marginally better and eating a large breakfast helps to settle my stomach.
Now that I must move, I need to come up with a plan. Where do I want to go? I can’t think of a single place that holds any appeal for me unless Lana’s by my side. Maybe I’ll just pack a bag and aimlessly roam for a while. I have enough money in the bank to last me for years.
The more I think about it, the more I like the idea. I’ll just go to Logan Airport and purchase a one-way ticket to whatever destination catches my eye. Once I pack up, there’s something I need to do, first. Something I probably shouldn’t do, but when did that ever stop me?
Pulling into the parking lot of Janny and Kyle’s building the first thing I notice is the smoke. Thick white plumes are rising from the ground floor of the old warehouse and filling the dimming, late afternoon sky. Several people are running out the side entrance in a complete state of panic.
Fuck. I know Janny’s in there. I can see her car parked in one of the spaces along the side of the brick building.
Exiting the Escalade as flames erupt through the windows and the smoke suddenly turns black, my eyes scan the people who’ve made it