I need to confess. Coming clean with her should be a priority, before she figures it out on her own.
“You have me to yourself all the time.” She smiles.
“I know, but I’m greedy. I’m not ready to share you yet.” I wink.
We continue eating our meal in comfortable silence and my heart’s finally beating at a normal rate again.
“Shoot.” She shakes her hand and then sucks on her finger.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“I just reopened a cut. I think I have a band aid in my purse.” She places the small black leather bag on the table and rifles through it. She removes items one at a time placing them on the table. Chap stick, gum, her wallet and a folded up piece of paper. “I know I have one in here somewhere,” she mutters.
My eyes move to the piece of paper she pulled out. It looks old; like it’s been opened and refolded hundreds of times. My curiosity is piqued now.
“Got it,” she says with a triumphant smile as she holds the bandage up for me to see.
I watch her while she meticulously wraps it around her finger. Everything Lana does, she does with purpose.
“What’s that?” I ask, jerking my chin toward where the paper sits on the table in front of her.
She looks panicked for a moment. “This?” She points to the very thing that has me so curious. I don’t know why I need to know what secrets it contains, but I just have a gut feeling it’s important.
“It’s Christopher’s suicide letter.” Her hands drop to her lap as she folds in on herself. She’s getting smaller and smaller in her seat as I watch her.
“Lana, it’s okay, angel. Tell me about it.” I lay my hand down on the table palm up and wait for her to place hers down. My fingers gently close around hers while I wait for her to begin.
“I found this letter after they took Christopher away. He said he’d suffered from depression his whole life. He never told me because he looked at it as a weakness and he didn’t want me to think of him as damaged.” She takes a sip of her water. “He was tired of dealing with it and he didn’t want to put me through it.” I nod my head in encouragement. “He’d been acting strange for a while and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him. I thought he was unhappy with us and didn’t want to marry me anymore.”
She stops speaking and closes her eyes. She takes a deep, slow breath and when her eyes open they’re shining with unshed tears. “He said...he said he wanted to leave this world holding me in his arms.” She sniffs and wipes her eyes with her free hand.
I squeeze the one still in my grasp.
Our gazes lock, hers filled with so much pain. “He said he couldn’t think of a more perfect way to pass on into the unknown than having me, the person he loved most there with him.”
I let go of her hand and move to sit next to her on the bench seat of our booth. Pulling her into my arms, I caress her hair as she quietly cries. She’s been through so much and she keeps pushing on. I’m a bastard for selfishly pursuing and wanting to be with her. My secrets could be the thing to break her for good.
“Are you staying here tonight?”
Her head lifts from her kindle, turning to look at me seated beside her on the couch. “Do you want me to stay?” she questions.
“How is that even a question at this point? If I had my way, you’d stay here with me twenty-four-seven and never leave.”
She giggles and then squeals when I scoop her up in my arms. I carry her to my bedroom and throw her down on the bed.
“I have a present for you.” I smirk when her eyes light up. “I know how much you’ve liked my surprises so far.” The over the door restraints were a big hit. I think she’ll like this too.
“Take your clothes off,” I order as I unbutton my pants, then tug my henley off. Pushing my jeans, boxers and socks off all at the same time, I stalk toward her now naked body, relaxed on my bed. I settle down on top of her and connect our lips. Our tongues rub and I press the tip of my cock against her entrance. I want to thrust inside her,