lived out of her car, occasionally stopping at seedy hotels. She’d disappear at night and come back in the morning without explanation. Then we’d leave for another small town.
“It wasn’t healthy for me, and I missed Dad. So, one day, while she was out, I found a payphone and called Pappa. Dad’s father. I just . . . I missed them. I wanted to know if Dad was still safe on the deployment or would be home soon. Pappa sounded so scared, so relieved to hear my voice. I remember thinking that something was wrong.
“From there, I promised to keep calling and at least let them know I was okay. He asked me where I was, but I didn’t know. He told me to tell him what was around me. I remember reading license plates and hotel names and a restaurant. That’s when I realized Mama had lied. She’d told me Dad wanted me to go with her for a while. But she hadn’t told him anything. Just emptied the bank account and disappeared, having her lawyer send the divorce papers to him on deployment.”
Maverick whistled low under his breath.
“Tell me about it,” I muttered. “I didn’t realize it at the time, but Pappa was trying to track me down. Dad came home early to find me when they realized I was just . . . gone. One day, Dad showed up while I was sleeping in the car, alone.”
My voice felt far away as I recalled that night. The memories blurred, smudging like a dark blue sky seen through filthy car windows.
The seat had smelled like rubbing alcohol and cigarette ashes, even though Mama didn’t smoke. Vaguely, I recalled her raven-black hair as it spilled over her shoulders. Her thin nose, broad smile, always tinged with something like terror. She’d loved me so much she almost couldn’t handle it.
“What happened?” Maverick asked.
“Dad showed up like some kind of knight. He pulled me out of the car and hugged me for probably ten minutes. I didn’t realize it then, but he was crying. So . . . relieved, I think.”
Maverick’s thumb paused, then resumed, moving in a slow, comforting circle.
“I can’t imagine the terror he felt, not knowing where you were,” he murmured.
“Me either. We waited for Mama to come back. He didn’t let go of me the whole time. I was so relieved to see him, I cried for almost an hour. It was five hours later, at five in the morning, when she returned. They fought. Mama screamed, but she didn’t stop him from taking me. I think she wanted me to go, but she didn’t want to admit it.”
Maverick watched me carefully now, showing nothing but genuine interest. Perhaps a little surprise. My mind churned for a moment. Did I want him to know all of this? No.
But maybe, yes.
Because who else did?
No one alive. Because my team had died.
“How did you feel?” he asked.
“Sad, but relieved. Dad didn’t leave my sight for a week. I wouldn’t get in any car for over a month. I desperately missed Mama. Sometimes I woke up crying at night. At the same time, I never wanted to see her again. For some reason, the thought of her just made me angry and sad.”
The battle of emotions in my little body had almost torn me apart. Missing Mom, but wishing for Dad. It was like I had no place to belong for a while. Floating in an in-between, trying to find purchase. Eventually, I settled into a routine with Dad, and then he became my world.
Maverick leaned back, his fingers resting along the vertebrae at the top of my spine. My skin tingled all the way down my back.
“Your mom recovered enough to marry Jim, it sounds like.”
“Yes. Then had Lizbeth a few months later.”
He quirked one eyebrow in question.
I shrugged. “No, Mama didn’t love Jim. Jim gave her a safe place and steady food. She kept things running in the house while he worked the fields. She didn’t seem bothered by the hints of darkness in him.”
Maverick tightened his fingers, pressing them into my skin. But it didn’t hurt. It felt more like a possessive caress.
“Did he ever hurt you when you visited?”
“No.”
His subtle grip relaxed.
“He never said much, not even to Lizbeth or Ellie. Lizbeth always tried. Ellie ignored him. He ignored her. Mama made up for everything Jim wasn’t. She was like a spirit with nowhere to wander.” Unable to stop now, I launched into the heart of