Code Name: Ghost - Sawyer Bennett Page 0,81

we’re supposed to be together.

CHAPTER 26

Anna

I bustle around my small kitchen, cleaning counters that don’t need cleaned and re-washing breastmilk bottles for the third time. My mom sits at the small kitchen table, a sleeping Avery cradled in her arms. I don’t bother suggesting she go put her down in her crib as my mom would simply glare at me for such a ridiculous thought. In other words, grammys should have and will take unfettered access to cuddle their grandchildren at all times.

It’s a bit atypical my mom is here at my apartment tonight, but because I’d confided in her this morning when I dropped Avery off that there’s trouble in paradise between Malik and me, she just invited herself over this evening. Even offered to bring Avery to me after work rather than me swinging by her house, which is the normal routine.

I didn’t argue because, first, she saved me over half-an-hour commute time, and two… well, I just needed someone to talk to.

Except I haven’t said a word yet, instead occupying my time and keeping my thoughts to myself rather than share them with my mother. Because if I speak them aloud, there’s a chance she’ll tell me I’m being stupid with my fears, then there’s a chance I’ll have to actually confront them.

And well… I’m terrified to actually face the things that scare me about Malik and the dangers in his job. By confronting them, I might just have to conclude I’ll need to be a bit braver to have him, and that’s something I’m just not sure I want to do.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on yet?” my mother finally asks. I knew there’d come a point where she’d force me to do something.

Now the ball is in my court. I can tell her everything is fine, which she’ll know is a lie because I told her that all was not well and I’m acting like a basket case, or I can fess up with my feelings and open the door to her advice.

I set down a bottle I’ve been drying for a good minute, lay the towel over the sink faucet, and put a hand to my hip as I face my mom. “So, I told you things were a little rocky with Malik and me this morning.”

She nods, clearly not needing the reminder. She wants the meat-and-potatoes of the issue. Her gaze moves briefly down to Avery before coming back to me with her brows lifted in question.

“He’s been cleared for full duty,” I say. “He actually left to go to Ft. Bragg this morning for some training.”

And then I wait for her brows to knit, her face to pinch with worry, and then her eyes to soften in sympathy.

Except she just stares blankly.

“He’s going to be doing more dangerous operations,” I say, filling in the apparent blanks she has.

Mom gives me nothing. Not even a flicker she’s bothered by this news on my behalf. I can’t figure out if she’s being purposely obtuse or she’s trying to strong-arm me into facing my fears.

“Mom… he could die,” I finally blurt in exasperation. “I could lose him, after having just gone through the horror of losing someone I love.”

“So, you love Malik?” she asks, apparently her only curiosity. But the question is starkly brazen, and she’s making me confront an issue that’s just as big.

What exactly are my feelings for Malik?

I had yet to fully poke around them because it was easier to just shut things down by telling him I couldn’t be involved with someone in this line of work.

My mom is not going to be so kind as to let me continue to ignore this. Now her expression is a bit hard, definitely determined to make me peel away the layers and examine some hard truths.

“Do you love him?” she asks bluntly.

I blow out a long breath, turning my gaze down toward the sink. How do I really feel about Malik? I mean, he’s so different from Jimmy.

My husband was always going at top speed, and he was an excellent multi-tasker. He always handled everything because he was just good at, well… everything. I depended on him for so many things. While he was short on soft words, he was big on important actions. I knew I loved him when he would make the effort to just slow down to be with me, present in a given moment.

Malik is the same in that he’s a man’s man, same as Jimmy