Code Name: Ghost - Sawyer Bennett Page 0,80

I get her wanting to talk about it. I get that she’ll need reassurance and a bit of faith in me.

But an outright denial?

I try to choose my words carefully. “Anna… I took this job with Jameson for exactly this type of work. I was done with military life and wanted some autonomy back, but I still wanted to make a real difference. You knew this about me from the start. We talked specifically about it one night.”

She nods, sadness filling her eyes. “I know. I understand that about you, but I’m not sure I fully understood it until just now.”

I move into her, putting my hands to her face and tilting her head back a bit to see her. “What do you mean?”

“When you and I started hanging out… talking… getting close. And later, when I started having feelings, and you reciprocated… I knew this is the type of work you wanted to do. But I don’t think it really impacted me about what that meant, because back then, you were on desk duty. We were in this protective little bubble where you were safe and I was probably being naïve. But now you’ve been cleared, you’re going on a training mission, and you have been placed on a team to rescue hostages in Colombia. And well, the last time you went on such a mission, people died. You almost died, and well…”

Her words trail off and she pulls out of my grasp, turning her back on me.

“Now it’s real and terrifying,” I finish her last thought for her.

Anna’s shoulders hunch forward. She shakes her head, her entire posture and demeanor saying she’s ashamed of herself for feeling this way. “I’m sorry.”

I move in close to her again, my hands going to her shoulders. Leaning in, I place a kiss to the back of her head. “This is a lot to take in. You’re asking me to give up something I have a passion for. Asking me to change who I am.”

Anna turns, dislodging my hands from her shoulders. Her head tips back as she looks at me with beautifully solemn but resolved eyes. “I’m not asking you to give it up. I’m just saying I don’t think I can be with someone who does this type of work. And I want you to be happy, to be able to pursue your passion always.”

A strangling sensation overwhelms me as if I can’t breathe. It’s one thing for her to say, “I don’t want you to go,” and then perhaps we can talk this through some more.

But for her to say she doesn’t think she can be with someone who does this type of work is a whole other type of resolution.

Before I can reply, she adds, “I lost a husband to this job, and it devastated me. And now I’ve fallen for you, and the risk is very real and near again. I just need you to know… my heart can’t take another loss like that. I can’t go through it again. And I see how you are with Avery, and I know where this is going between you and me. We’re creating a family, and I certainly don’t want to let her lose another dad.”

Fuck do those words hurt. Because she’s right. Anna and I are moving right toward creating a new family together, and Avery will be mine.

I could ask for clarification on exactly what she means. Hope I can nitpick her feelings and argue with her in what I know would be a futile attempt to bring her around. I could demand she be braver for me, but what a fucking douche thing that would be, giving she lost her husband to this type of work already.

In the end, I can’t think of one thing I could possibly say to bring her around to giving me—giving us—a chance this way.

“I have to think about this,” I finally say.

She nods with a grateful smile. “I actually appreciate that, Malik. I mean… I don’t want to put any pressure on you. I want you to be happy, but I want me to be happy too. It’s just… despite how perfectly we’ve come together, I think we have one imperfection between us that is our doom.”

Fuck, I hate her saying that.

Hate the fucking truth of it.

And I also love her for being honest about it. If I ever wanted proof of why we are perfect together, it’s because of the transparency we’ve always had between us.

Still… it doesn’t mean