smoking on her own. Stuart watched the cookies bake through the oven’s murky glass, the glistening dough oozing flat and solidifying in circles on the tray. He scraped the rubber spatula against the sides of the mixing bowl, collecting blobs of cookie dough and licking them off.
The oven beeped. Stuart removed the tray and carefully transferred each cookie to the very professional wooden cooling rack Mandy had bought at Williams Sonoma when Ted was a toddler and she thought she might become the type of mom who baked cookies and cakes every day. The crisp cookies clung to the rack in precise rows. There was one lone extra cookie that wouldn’t fit. Stuart tossed it in his mouth and flung the spatula and baking tray into the sink. The roof of his mouth hummed as he chewed. His eye sockets were expanding. So were his ears and his feet. Even his ass cheeks felt weird. Uh-oh. Eating pot butter was way more hardcore than smoking it. All that raw cookie dough and now that whole cookie—he was already super high.
Baked weed cookies for my sweethearty
Ate too many—now it’s time to party!
He grabbed his keys and his phone and glanced at Mandy and Ted, asleep on their backs on the queen-size bed. It seemed sort of irresponsible to leave them in such a vulnerable state when he was their protector and provider. But he had to. He had to get outside and walk.
* * *
Liam’s hands were shaking. He could barely hold his phone in place. His thumb wavered over the record button.
“Guys,” he spoke up, his voice breaking annoyingly. “I don’t think we should be doing this.”
They’d already filmed Bruce lighting drops of vodka on fire and practically burning his arm off. Was it really necessary to incorporate the slide?
Bruce screwed the cap back on the vodka, shook the bottle violently, and then unscrewed the cap again. “Speak for yourself. I was fucking born to do this. I just wish I hadn’t smoked so much weed earlier. I need to fucking focus.”
“What exactly are you doing, anyway?” Black Ryan asked.
Liam glanced at him warily. Black Ryan didn’t sound too happy about Bruce’s antics either.
“Isn’t it obvious, fuckwad?” Bruce demanded.
Ryan chuckled. “You’re gonna pour the vodka down the slide, set it on fire, and slide down through the flames.”
“Fuck yeah. And you guys are going to film it.”
“Holy shit,” Black Ryan protested. “What about your balls?”
“My balls will be fine. Jeans aren’t that flammable.”
“Tell us when,” Ryan said eagerly, holding out his phone.
Liam didn’t say anything. He wanted to leave, but he also kind of wanted to see what happened.
Bruce squatted down at the top of the slide. He held the bottle in his left hand and cocked it down, ready to pour. His right hand held the lighter. He flicked it with his thumb and a flame sprang up and then died. He flicked it again. And again.
“Fuck, I’m still high,” he muttered.
The other three boys stared up at him, mesmerized.
“One, two, three… fuck. One, two, three… when!” Bruce shouted.
Liam hit record. Vodka sluiced down the metal slide. Bruce made contact with the lighter’s flame and the whole slide glimmered orangely.
“Here I fucking go!” Bruce yelled and smacked his butt down on the path of fire.
He didn’t slide much. He was just sitting there.
“Holy shit, I’m like… look at me.”
The three other boys couldn’t look away.
“Fuck, my shoelaces.” Bruce kicked his way down the slide and sat down on the ground. “I think I ruined my pants. And my shoes. That was fun though.” The slide wasn’t on fire anymore. The other boys stopped recording.
“That was kind of lame,” Black Ryan said.
Liam smiled down at his phone screen. It was totally lame.
“I thought it was pretty cool,” Ryan said. “We should post it on YouTube or something.”
Bruce stood up and smacked at his pant legs. “Yup. These jeans are fucked.”
“They smell weird too,” Ryan said.
“That’s not his jeans.” Black Ryan pointed to where smoke was curling up from behind the slide.
Liam squinted in the lamplight. He got down on all fours. The pile of dried leaves beneath the slide had ignited. Something within the pile popped and the flames grew higher. It was quite a fire.
“Oh shit,” Liam said.
“No fucking way. This is fucking awesome!” Bruce squealed. “Dudes, come on, we have to split!”
He turned and ran toward the exit. The two Ryans were right behind him.
“Hey!” Liam shouted after them.
Something else popped inside the fire. It sounded like bottles