ground. We’re never neutral. You want to prevent hard feelings by us not sleeping together, but we’ve got hard feelings already. If there’s another lover in play neither of us are going to be nice, and you know it.”
“We can’t make it worse,” she said, feeling desperate and a little bleak. “And we would. We could. It seems obvious to me. I mean, look at us now, after just a couple of... I don’t know. Just after a few times. It’s already an issue. We can’t... We can’t do that to our child.”
“We could,” he said, his tone horrendously pragmatic. She wanted to punch him. “Plenty of people do.”
“I...”
“I know,” he said. Something in his gaze shifted. “This is my only chance to do it right. I didn’t intend to ever have the opportunity to do it again.”
“I can’t imagine,” she said, her heart squeezing. “I can’t really explain how it felt to find out I was pregnant. Because I was terrified. And it wasn’t like I had completely positive emotions. I didn’t. But I feel conviction. I know having this baby is what I want.”
He shook his head. “I didn’t know. When she told me she was pregnant I was terrified, too. I was sixteen. I wasn’t ready to be a father. But I knew what I would do. I knew I’d be there for her. That I’d be there for the baby. Even if it felt scary. And then suddenly... The whole story changed. She acted like she didn’t know me. She acted like we never slept together. It was losing the opportunity to be a father that made me realize how much I wanted it. But even then, I didn’t really know. I was a kid. There was part of me that was relieved. Relieved that I didn’t have to change my life at all. And damn, there’s a lot of guilt that goes with that.”
She nodded slowly. “I can imagine there is.”
“But I’ve seen him, over the years. So there’s never been an opportunity to really forget what I’m missing, what I don’t have.” His voice went rough. “I can’t get over feeling like a piece of myself got stolen. It’s just out there in the world, walking around. And sometimes I ask myself if it can’t just be enough that he’s happy. Because all the rest of it is selfish, I guess. He’s got a dad. He’s got a family. He’s not missing anything because I’m not in his life.”
“That’s not true,” Wren said. “He doesn’t have you.”
She was treated to a rueful, lopsided smile. “That’s weird that you think not having me is a deficit, Wren.”
“Well, what I mean is... Creed, if I didn’t think that you would be a good father I wouldn’t have bothered to try to include you in our baby’s life.”
“Maybe that’s the thing,” he said. “Maybe she just didn’t think I would be a good father.”
“She was sixteen. I imagine it’s more that she didn’t think. At least, not about anything much deeper than herself.”
“Well, that probably is true.”
“We’ll do this right,” Wren said.
He nodded. “So what do we do about the two of us?”
“We have nine months to figure it out. To figure out how we navigate sharing...a life. Because that’s what we’re doing. It’s going to be complicated, and we don’t need added complications. I’ll tell you what... No relationships for either of us. For nine months.”
He grimaced. “All right.”
“Sorry. Get used to cozying up with your right hand.”
He snorted. “In more ways than one, it’s like being sixteen again.”
“The fact of the matter is, we have got to find a better way to deal with each other than we have been. And I mean, we really do. So, we certainly don’t have room for anyone else in this whole... situation.”
“Fair enough.”
“All right,” she said. She extended her hand.
He looked at it. “I’m not shaking your hand.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s not business, Wren. And it isn’t going to be. You and me can’t ever be business, sweetheart.”
She lowered her hand, her heart fluttering. “I approach everything that way. Because of my dad.”
“It’s okay,” he said. “We just... We are who we are. Can’t do much about it.”
“I want to do something about it, I guess. This whole figuring-myself-out thing is going to weave together with figuring out how we can be a family.”
She would never have thought she would become family with Creed Cooper. But here she was.
“I guess so.”
“Well.” She looked down at her cleared plate. “I