notebook.”
“What?”
“Get a notebook. We’re going to write out what we both need. What we both expect. Creed, we are not going to make it through this if we don’t trust each other. I can understand that you want marriage in a legal sense. If you need that, I can give it to you. But, during the pregnancy, that doesn’t have to mean anything. It’s not like we need to live with each other or be in any kind of relationship until the baby is born.”
“You think that, huh?”
“I do,” she said. “I think we need to focus on putting our child first. And we need to build some trust between each other. I would not take your baby from you, Creed. But I understand why you don’t just take my words at face value. And, I’m not going to suffer for it either. I just found my life. I just found my purpose. Everything in my world got turned upside down when my dad... I’ve had to rethink everything. Everything I believe in. Everything I am. I’m not giving everything up to you. Sorry.”
He looked hollow. Almost helpless, and that made her stomach drop into her feet.
“I can’t bend on this,” he said.
She looked at him. And she knew he was telling the truth. His face was drawn and haggard, his tone was tortured.
“I know you can’t. I’m going to bend as much as I can right now so we can find someplace where we can meet.”
He stood, left the room for a moment, then returned with a pen and a notebook. He thrust it into her hand. “All right. Start listing your demands.”
“First of all, if you want to be involved, you need to be involved. It’s really important to me that you’re either hands-on or hands-off with our child. All in, or all out.” She looked at him, her jaw set, her posture determined.
“Why is that?”
“Because I won’t have any of this lukewarm BS. That’s how my dad was. He was there just enough to make us...try to perform for him. To make us try to do the very best we could to please him. But he never gave us anything back. Not really. I’m not going to put my kid through that. I want more for them.”
“I want everything,” he said, his voice rough. “I lost eighteen years with my son. I’m not losing any more time. I’m not losing that ever again.”
“I won’t ask you to. I promise. And that’s why...my next thing. No more sex.”
“Are you out of your damn mind?”
“No. I’m absolutely in my mind. We need to be able to deal with each other, and with this. I need to be able to have you at my house. You need to be able to be around for whatever you want, whenever you feel you need to have time with our child. If we have our own feelings in the way, our own situation, then this isn’t going to work. We have to be able to be in the same room and not fight. And not... Well, you know that other F word that we seem to be so fond of.”
He snorted. “If we had that kind of control, we wouldn’t be in this situation.”
“But you know as well as I do that getting out of control isn’t going to work. It just wouldn’t. It couldn’t. We have to make this list and stick to it so we can give each other what we need. And I don’t think we can do that if we get...all that emotion involved.”
“Is that what you think?”
“Well, don’t you? Don’t you think it’s too big a risk?”
His face went hard. Neutral. And then finally, “You’re right. And really, it’s all just a little control. Which, I had plenty of until you.”
“Well, that’s flattering. But, I don’t doubt you can find it again.”
“Sure. What else?”
“Holidays?” she asked.
“Together. Obviously. At my family place,” he said.
Always with his family. Was he kidding? But the child was currently a zygote so as pressing matters went, that wasn’t a huge one. “Okay, I think we can actually wait on that.”
“Marriage,” he said. “For the first year.”
“Until the baby is born,” she said. “I’ll give you that. Marriage until the baby is born so you can be sure you have your legal protection. And then we can work out whatever custody agreement you want. We can cohabitate, whatever. But, if the primary concern is custody, and you making sure that you have all your