bulimia. By purging, I could eat what I wanted and not get fat. Loren thinks that sharing my life would mean she could do what she wanted and I’d see she was OK.’ He withdrew enough to look into her face. ‘I told her what you said about being in a troubled aircraft and having to get your own oxygen flowing before you could help others. And I told them, “I can help others. But Hannah’s my oxygen. I can’t do it without her.”’
A tear eased from her eye. ‘But where does that leave Maria?’
His heart flipped. ‘That’s the plan I wanted to talk over. I’ve offered to take Maria permanently. Initially, it’ll be considered long-term foster care. After a year I may be able to make it more official and assume parental responsibility. It means Josie and Maria won’t be separated. They’ll be able to see their mum but live with me.’
A frown puckered her forehead. ‘So in the first year Loren could change her mind?’
‘Yes,’ he admitted baldly.
‘In which case, what?’ Her aqua eyes were like sea glass.
‘A huge amount of hassle and upset, I suspect.’ Despite his earlier resolve, he dipped down and pressed a small kiss to her mouth. It felt warm. Tender. Right. ‘When I took Josie at the end of the marriage it wasn’t spite and it wasn’t financial. It was because Loren finds it hard to be a good parent. Maybe I put too much down to postnatal depression after Josie was born but she relied on alcohol and, who knows? She may have been misusing other stuff even then. The woman I divorced was not the woman I married. She’s lost the ability to put others first and will continue to abuse the support of others till she gets proper help. That might include another attempt to use Maria as a weapon.’
He paused to ease Hannah onto his lap so he could bury his face in her neck and breathe her in. ‘You’re probably thinking there might be a rocky road ahead. You’re right. You’re probably thinking I’m offering you a situation where I’ve already got two people to put ahead of you, and that’s a crap bargain. I’ll be unhappy if you say no but being unhappy is acceptable. It’s being unhappy and not trying to find a way out that’s not.’
Hannah sat unresponsive in his embrace. He leaned his forehead on her shoulder. ‘Sorry,’ he said miserably.
She stirred, tilting his face up so she could look at him. ‘Nico,’ she said slowly. ‘You haven’t said what you’re offering.’ But there was a glimmer of light in her eyes that hadn’t been there before. It looked like something good, like hope. Or love.
‘Oh!’ He laughed shakily. ‘Me. My heart. My two kids. My crazy, shit-filled life. Everything I have. Everything I want. Every Christmas until I die. You’re my oxygen and I love you. When you shut me out …’ He closed his eyes for an instant and shuddered, dreading that she might shut him out again, but permanently. He wouldn’t blame her but it would be hell.
Then a tiny kiss landed on his cheek. Another on his temple. His eyes sprang open, relief flooding through him. He’d thought he might never feel her mouth on him again.
‘I love you, too. I’m sorry I didn’t stick around to hear your side of the story.’ Tears slid down her cheeks even while she smiled. ‘Because I love your two kids and your crazy, shit-filled life.’
‘Are you quite sure about the kids?’ he said resignedly, spotting something over her shoulder. ‘Because Josie’s peeping in the window.’
Hannah broke away, laughing, crying, wiping her eyes. ‘I guess we shouldn’t have let Mum promise her she could have presents when we got back.’
‘They’re here, Rob!’ Josie hollered. ‘But they’re cuddling again.’ She made it sound as if she’d caught them shoplifting.
Nico caught the sound of Leesa’s laugh and Rob saying, ‘Josie! You should know better than to run off. We’re supposed to be going to Nan’s for her blood pressure pills, not taking a diversion to spy on people.’
‘I wanted to know where Dad was,’ Josie complained, but her voice began to recede.
‘I must teach my daughter that glass isn’t soundproof.’ Nico slid his hand off Hannah’s behind, ‘and remind myself that glass is transparent.’ He groaned, feeling the need to be honest even though his arms had fastened around her as if they’d never let her go. ‘An adult relationship conducted with children around is