yet. I would deal with these things later.
Chapter Twenty-One
Serenity
Grayson wouldn’t stop calling me.
I didn’t want to talk to him, not right now, not with the way that I was feeling. So I kept declining them or letting them ring until they went to voicemail.
I got his texts, but I deleted them. I didn’t listen to his voicemails. Just the thought of hearing his voice made me want to cry. I knew that my mom said she had a plan to deal with things, but everything seemed so broken at the moment. I didn’t know if it would work at all.
I had ruined everything. Grayson and Sebastian’s friendship. My chance at a relationship with Grayson. Even now my relationship with my brother felt incredibly strained. I wanted to go to him, but I feared that he would judge me, that he wouldn’t listen to anything I had to say.
So instead I sat in my room, too tired to read anything, too sad to play my harp.
My mother noticed this, and I knew that she had to be concerned about me. But she didn’t know how to make it any better and I didn’t know how to relieve her concern, so she came up to check up on me every once in a while.
This time she came in balancing a plate of freshly-baked gingerbread cookies in one hand and a glass of orange juice in the other. She set them down on my desk and then closed the bedroom door behind her, pulling over my chair to sit near to me.
“Can I get you to eat anything?” she asked.
I sat up to look at her, wondering why she continued to put up with me and this behavior. “Maybe in a few minutes.”
“Alright. As long as you’re eating.” She reached out one hand and tucked a strand of hair behind one ear. “You know I love you, darling.”
“I know.” I looked down at my hands. I hadn’t been feeling that recently from my father or my brother. My relationship with Grayson seemed to have created an unbearable tension in the house, something I didn’t know how to fix. I felt judgment from my brother and my father at every turn, even if they didn’t mean for it to be that obvious.
“Here.” She got up, grabbed the plate of gingerbread cookies, and brought them back over. She took one and began to eat it. “I think I really got the batch almost perfect this time. Won’t you try one and tell me what you think?”
I shrugged, grabbing a cookie from the plate to indulge her. “Why not.” She was right, I realized as I bit into it. The cookies were almost perfect now. She had been working tirelessly recently to create a new gingerbread cookie recipe with an orange zest flavor. Part of me suspected that it was to get my mind off of the things that were happening, but I also knew that it could very well be that she just wanted to try some new things out.
The ginger and the orange flavors were balancing really well this time, but there was still...something missing.
“Have you tried adding a bit of cacao powder?” I asked.
She stopped, bringing her hand to her chin and thinking for a moment. “No, not yet. You know, that might actually work.” She smiled at me, setting the plate of cookies down. “Maybe you should help me with the next batch. It’ll get your mind off of things.”
I groaned. “I don’t know if anything will get my mind off of things. It’s always there, in the back of my mind, reminding me that I messed up.”
“Hey.” She grabbed my hand, forcing me to look up at her. “This isn’t your fault, never has been. There was wrong all around, but it was never about you. Do you mind if I sit next to you?”
I shrugged and let my mom come sit next to me on the bed, pulling me into her arms.
She smelled like the kitchen. Like winter nights and sunlight and flour on a handmade apron. It was one of my favorite parts of home, the way my mom smelled.
“Listen to me, everyone fights, especially friends. It’s just an unfortunate part of life. The fact is that Grayson and Sebastian were bound to have a fight at some point, it just so happened that you got involved. They’re strong friends, always have been, so it’s not like a fight is going to break them apart forever. There were wrongs