She turned to face me, giving me a look that seemed to pierce right into my thoughts. I wondered if it was obvious how apprehensive I was about this meal. She sighed and set down her spoon.
I’ll take that as a yes then.
Putting her hands on my shoulders, she met my gaze. “Jasper,” she began. “I wanted this dinner to be a chance for us all to start again, on the right foot this time. But . . .” She gave my shoulders a squeeze, and her expression softened. “You’re my son, and I love you. I don’t want to force you into something you’re not ready for. If you want to do this another time, maybe in the new year—”
“No.” God, I felt like such a tool. But also I didn’t think I could love her more. “It’s fine, Mum, really. I want to be here.”
“Really?” Her eyes glistened with the threat of tears and I quickly pulled her into a hug.
“Of course,” I whispered, holding her tight. “Besides, Finn would kill me if I dragged him away from a home-cooked meal.”
“I would too.” Finn joined in, lightening the mood. “Especially one that smells so good.”
Clive chose that moment to walk in the back door, and if he found it odd that I was hugging my mum, he didn’t so much as flinch. “Here you go.” He set a pot of English mustard on the table, then turned to me, holding out his hand. “Good to see you, Jasper.”
Swallowing down my nerves, I shook his hand and smiled. “You too.”
Should I apologise for being a twat or—
“You show Finn the tree yet?” Clive asked, leaning back against the worktop. He turned to Finn. “She’s a beauty.” He then mouthed conspiratorially, “And huge.”
I laughed, grateful for his olive branch. “Nah, she won’t let us go look until it’s dark enough for the lights to look their best.”
I glanced over to see my mum beaming at us, her eyes once again glassy with tears.
“Right,” Clive said clapping his hands. “Shall we eat?” He gave my mum a quick hug, then the two of them began to serve up the best Sunday lunch I’d had in ages. My mum’s cooking was as good as ever, but this time I let myself enjoy the company around me rather than refusing to let myself relax.
We weren’t all the way there yet, but we were on our way.
I pushed back my plate after scraping the last of the apple pie off it and patting my belly. “That was lovely. Thanks, Mum.”
“Yeah, it was wonderful, thank you,” Finn added, licking his spoon in a way that was a little bit like torture. I cleared my throat and looked away.
I glanced outside; the sun had set a while ago, darkness coming early now. I yawned, covering my mouth quickly. “Sorry, I’m just knackered from work.” Add in a couple of glasses of red wine, and I was fading fast.
“Oh, well don’t let us keep you boys any longer.” My mum stood and started to collect the plates.
“I’ll do that, Mum, sit down.”
“I’ll help,” Finn added.
I was about to take over when Clive stood and put his hand on the back of mine and Finn’s chairs.
“Sarah. Why don’t you go show off your tree, and I’ll make a start on clearing up.”
“You sure,” I asked, looking up at him. “We don’t mind.”
“Go, she’s been looking forward to this. We’ve added a few bits since you were here last.” He gave my shoulder a quick squeeze before picking up our plates and taking them over to the sink.
“Come on then, Mum.” I pushed back my chair and waited for her and Finn to do the same. “Let’s see this masterpiece.”
She rolled her eyes but then grinned at me, eyes alight with excitement. “You two stay here a minute. I’ll go turn on the lights.”
A minute or so later, she shouted us in, and I led Finn back into the hall towards the living room.
“Oh wow!” I stopped in my tracks, Finn bumping into me as I stared at the huge tree in my mum’s bay window. I’d seen it on Tuesday, but it hadn’t exactly been the focus of my visit. I could appreciate it now.
She had high ceilings, and this tree almost brushed the top of them, the base filling the space in front of the window completely. It was big and bushy and beautiful. The lights in the room were turned off, so the lights on the