child stole your heart.
So there I sat, staring at the television, hoping the talking heads could lull me into dreamland and away from my racing mind.
An overly enthusiastic woman touted the benefits of shoving my linens into plastic bags and attaching the vacuum to suck out every ounce of air.
Interesting. My closets were in a terrible state of disarray, and this was the perfect time to spend money I didn’t have on making over every bedroom in the house--all two of them. I could buy new sheets, new blankets, new comforters. Then I could shove the old ones into bags and suck out the air.
As I watched, the woman submersed one of the miracle bags into a bathtub full of water. I watched slack-jawed as she checked the gaudy comforter inside. Dry as a bone. Now there was a feature no one should be without, because you never knew when you might need to submerge your bagged linens in the tub.
All skepticism aside, I picked up the phone and dialed. What the hell? A little waterproof organization couldn’t hurt me. While the sales representative took my order, he offered me the opportunity to toss in a set of knives.
I agreed, energized by my mini-buying spree. I wondered whether the super-strength plastic bags could withstand an attack by the bonus knives. Maybe I’d save that experiment for clothes Ryan had yet to take out of his closet.
An odd sense of excitement filled me as I hung up the phone. If I could remove the air from my linens, think of the other magic items I had yet to discover in the land of infomercials. The possibilities were endless--simply, wonderfully endless.
At last, I had something tangible to cling to. Life-changing inventions that could be mine in three easy payments or less.
But wait, there was more.
I followed the bag purchase by calling for the Deluxe Whitener for teeth. After all, if Mary Tyler Moore could turn the world on with her smile, so could I. And I certainly wasn’t going to pass up the chance to own even more Billy Banks Tae Bo DVDs I’d never open, so I ordered a set of three.
I passed on buying the Snuggie. Call me crazy, but it seemed to me I could put my robe on backwards and save myself twenty bucks.
Yet, when the most beautiful and graceful woman I’d ever set eyes on began a belly-dancing demonstration, I sat mesmerized, unable to tear my gaze from the television screen. She explained the toning and fat-burning benefits of the ancient moves, and I was a goner. Sold to the woman with the wild hair and bunny slippers.
My excitement morphed into downright euphoria.
I added a juicer and a flashlight that never needed batteries to my list of purchases, and then I spotted the pièce de résistance. Crab cakes from Maryland.
If all else failed, at least I’d never go hungry.
I clicked off the television a little after four in the morning. As it was, the UPS guy would probably want my head on a platter as payback for the packages he’d have to deliver.
Boxes and boxes full of promises.
Whiter teeth. Flatter belly. Sharper knives.
Things were looking up, and that was something I hadn’t thought in a very long time.
o0o
I sat in the coffee shop at Genuardi’s the next morning and sipped a grande chai latte.
There was something to be said for observing life in a grocery store. While I wasn’t ready to become an active participant, the simple act of sitting and watching validated my life...or rather, the fact I had a life...or would again someday.
Perhaps my wallow was officially over, at least for now. I’d woken up craving life much like an addict might crave a drink, or Diane might crave a new hobo bag. I’d been frantic to shower, dress and get out of my house. I needed air. I needed space.
I needed to start making things happen.
Something.
Anything.
Even if that something was only a trip to Genuardi’s café.
Poindexter hadn’t waited for me to leave before he’d jumped up on the sofa, doggy bliss plastered across his face. I imagined any day I didn’t drag him to a new obedience school was a good day in his book. I also imagined he was ready to spend a bit less quality time with me. After all, even dogs had their limits.
So there I sat in the grocery store, pondering life, when it hit me. I watched as a young woman reached a box down from a top shelf