Chance - Deborah Bladon Page 0,61

wouldn't get in the way." His eyes wander to the wall behind me. "I wanted to come there and tell you that he was wrong for you, but I couldn't do that, Bell. I called and wished you and Tom well instead because I just wanted to hear your voice. It killed me that I missed my chance."

I stare at him while I try to piece together the disjointed pieces of that time in my life. Tom and I were planning our future then. We'd already started looking at apartments. I believed he was my happily-ever-after until months later when I truly understood the depth of his dependence on cocaine.

"I met Vena right after that," he says quietly. "I hooked up with her because she filled an empty spot."

"You loved her. You were going to marry her." I drop my gaze to the floor.

"I don't think I ever really loved her." His chest expands as he pulls in a deep breath. "I used her to forget about you."

Chapter 43

When Tom left me, I wanted Caleb. I can't pretend that isn't my reality. I met a man right after the break up and I slept with him on our second date just so I could feel something. The entire time I was in bed with him, Caleb was in my thoughts. I didn't close my eyes and imagine it was Caleb fucking me. That wouldn't have worked even if I wanted it to. The man didn't look like him, he smelled nothing like Caleb and the size of his body wasn't comparable in the least, but he did give me something I needed. He took me to a place for a little more than an hour where my emotional pain ceased to exist. I was grateful and we dated a few times after that but it didn't fill the void that Tom left.

When all that dust settled, and I was finally alone, I wanted to talk to Caleb. I called him and instead of returning my call, he'd come to see me. The very first words out of his mouth were about Vena. He brought her to meet me the very next day. He looked content and excited and when he left my apartment with her, I'd cried not for the loss of what could have been. It wasn't about that. Back then I was mourning the loss of my own dream of being with Tom and Caleb's apparent happiness only punctuated the pain I was already in.

"You were happy when you told me that you were getting married." My arms wrap around my waist. I'm trying to shelter myself. I feel it. "You were planning your wedding."

"I was fond of Vena," he admits as he shuffles on his feet. "She was fun and carefree. I'd never met anyone like her before."

I hadn’t probed Caleb for any details about his fiancé at the time but Asher was overflowing with information. He told me that his brother and Vena had a passionate affair that ended when he returned to the States. According to Asher, they missed each other so much that Caleb arranged for her to fly to New York to live with him. It was fast, intense and within just a few months, they were engaged.

"She was beautiful," I begin before I stop to correct myself. "She is beautiful. I only met her that one time but I've seen pictures of her online."

"I haven't seen her in years." He takes a step back before he bends his legs to lower himself into one of the chairs in front of my desk. "I don't keep in touch with her."

"How did it end?" It's a question that has been haunting me since he showed up at my apartment that night after the engagement was called off. "She ended it?"

"Yes." He frowns. "We argued about everything. Where to live, when to have children, what color to paint the foyer; we couldn't agree on anything anymore."

"I know it was hard for you."

He glances briefly at my desk and the bouquet of flowers I bought myself on my way to work yesterday. "Losing Vena wasn't hard. I didn't miss her after we ended things."

"You were upset," I say wearily. "You were upset for months."

"She broke emotionally when she found out I was fucking someone else." He grazes his hand over his chin. "We ended things on a Friday and Saturday night I was in bed with a woman I met at a club."

I'm taken back by