Chance - Deborah Bladon Page 0,60

know how deep the ache is that is inside of me?"

His eyes follow the path of my hand. "I know. I feel it. It's inside of me too."

It can't be. If it was, he would have come to my apartment days ago and swept me into his arms. If he felt the same loss and longing that I do, he would have called to tell me that he was sorry. He wouldn’t have waited almost an entire week to show up in the middle of the day at my office.

"You pull me close and then you push me away." My hands fly into the air between us, mimicking a pushing motion. "You want me, and then you don't. You fuck me, and then you leave. You can't do it. You can't do that to me."

He moves one step closer. The scent of his cologne wafts through the air as he leans down to look into my eyes. "I have wanted you since I can remember. I have fucked other women to try and forget about you. I asked a woman to marry me so I could kill the need that is inside of me for you. I have been living with this need for my entire life. It never goes away. Ever."

His words hit me with such a force that I stumble on my feet. I have to reach for the side of my desk to steady my balance. "You don't mean that."

"You can't see it." He reaches out to grab hold of my hand. "You've never been able to see it."

He's wrong. I've seen glimpses of desire over the years but they've always been fleeting. "Why haven't you told me before now?"

He rubs his fingers over the top of his lip. "When you were a senior in college I made a trip to see you."

I can't push my mind back to that place right now. "I don't remember."

"It was during semester break." He reaches towards me, brushing his fingers against my cheek. "Asher had sent me a picture of the two of you. God, you looked amazing. Your hair was pinned on top of your head and you were staring right at the camera."

I wish I could remember the image. Asher had taken hundreds of pictures in college to document his time there. I'd made him delete dozens because he'd caught me, and many of my friends, off guard.

"I'm sorry. I can't remember what picture that is."

"I'll never forget that photograph." He throws his head back briefly before he looks at me again. "I came to tell you that I couldn't stop thinking about you. I knew you were set to graduate and I was panicked that since you weren't accepting our job offer, that you'd take a position across the country or on the other side of the world."

"So you came to see me?" I know I sound utterly confused because that's exactly how I feel. I remember virtually every conversation I've ever had with him. I don't remember seeing him during semester break of my senior year.

"I did." He rubs the pad of his thumb across my bottom lip. "I wanted to kiss you so badly. I had it all planned out."

"You didn't?" I can't contain a smile.

His tongue darts out over his lips. "I had planned to tell Asher to have you standing in a spot where you'd see me approaching across the quad."

I nod silently.

"You'd see me and you'd wave and as I got closer, you'd realize that I was holding that stuffed bear you used to sleep with when you came to the house in the Hamptons. I still have that thing in my apartment."

My eyes fill with tears. As much as I don't want to cry, I can't quell the emotional roller coaster I feel myself riding. "You have it?"

He cradles my cheek in his palm. "You'd see the bear and you'd see my face and you'd feel everything that I feel."

I close my eyes wanting the world to whisk me back to that day. "That never happened. I was never on the quad with Asher."

"When I called to tell him that I was coming, he told me about Tom." He swallows hard. "He told me you were in love and happy. He said you were so happy."

I was. I thought I was. I did love Tom as much as I could before I realized that his addictions would always be his first love. "I was happy then."

"I went to Europe so I