to family stuff, a whole new side of them was coming out. Little Adara had thrown her tablet on the floor of the car and was staring out into the misty day. She kicked her little feet against her booster seat and frowned.
I couldn’t stand to see a four-year-old looking like that. When I glanced back at Egan, he was staring right into the mirror back at me, as if he expected my look. His gold eyes were almost the exact shade of Aleksy’s and the look on his face was an echo of his father in a dark mood.
He held my eye, and I felt that moment, the same scary atmosphere that happened when Aleksy was looking at me with anticipation. Like I had been taken out of reality for a second and fallen down a rabbit hole where anything was possible.
Egan’s face twisted, and he looked away, glaring at the mountains that were coming into view as the clouds cleared.
“She just went away, okay? We don’t know anything about it. Dad keeps saying ‘when you’re older’ but I think it will be never. She sends us cards and stuff. It just sucks.”
“Yeah, little buddy. It sure does.” My heart went out to the little guy as I focused on getting the car through the slick dirt.
“Do you guys have any traditions? Fun stuff you do every time you come over?”
“No,” Egan said with finality.
“Yes!” Little Adara cried. “We do the walk. Up the mountain and we see the birds and the hills. One time, we saw a deer and daddy left bread for it and it came up real close.”
Egan glared at her. She stuck her tongue out at him.
“Isn’t it really dangerous to hike up here? Especially with all the rain. There could be landslides and stuff.”
Egan gave Adara a shove and both of them just frowned and looked down.
I gripped the steering wheel hard, looking straight ahead. Now that the clouds were clearing, I could see more around us and the views were breathtaking. The road we were on wound slowly upwards and I knew the cabin was on the top of a small hill, which was a foothill to the greater mountain. When I looked up higher, I could see snow gathering on the tops of the rocky peaks and dusting the higher tree line.
It was really beautiful. I had always wanted to holiday in a place like this. Sure, I was going to be working, but I didn’t think it would be much of a chore.
The rain settled into little squalls of drizzle, the clouds lifting even higher. I was supposed to have my own cabin up here and sort of be on call to Aleksy. My family had moved to the coast some time ago and my dick of a boyfriend left me to ‘go find himself’ whatever the fuck that means. I could have stayed home and miserable, but I chose this. Even though there were plenty of potential pitfalls, I figured this was better than sitting at home eating too much ice cream.
When Aleksy asked me to come along, he seemed quite desperate. I was trying not to read too much into that, knowing that he was very busy and was more than likely telling the truth about not being able to get someone else on such short notice. I hadn’t seen any ulterior motives attached. Now I wasn’t so sure.
One thing that affected me deeply about his request was that he looked me right in the eye and addressed me directly. Usually, he would speak to me quickly and move away. This time he had focused on me, and it was as if he was trying to reach out to me. In the silences between his words, I could feel something like a howling loneliness. Something that he pushed away relentlessly but couldn’t be free of.
At that moment, I think I would have done anything for him.
The dismissive, yet slightly flirty manner he normally used was at odds with that conversation. I never knew what to make of it when he was lighthearted and smiling. As soon as we got close, he always bailed. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to put myself out there under those conditions.
When I was still with my boyfriend, I shrugged it off. Told myself he was just being friendly and there was nothing wrong with that. Once Chad disappeared, it wasn’t like I suddenly welcomed the attention, but I started reading way too much