up my friends, gave up my boyfriend and, when I got there, I couldn’t hack it and I got sacked.’
He poured another trickle of wine into my glass. ‘These things happen, why so secretive?’
‘Because I’m embarrassed!’ I exclaimed, almost ready to laugh. I couldn’t believe he was just brushing it off like that. ‘Who gets sacked these days? I was mortified.’
‘How come?’ he asked. ‘How come they sacked you?’
‘Because I wasn’t good enough,’ I replied, picking up my glass and then putting it down. A hangover tomorrow morning wouldn’t help. ‘They were making cutbacks and they brought me in and explained how they were promoting my assistant and letting me go. They felt as though there had been a “marked decline” in my work. Apparently.’
‘Was there?’ he asked.
‘Probably,’ I admitted. ‘I hated it.’
It felt good to say it out loud.
‘You hated the job?’
I watched as the man who had sat beside me at the bar packed away his typewriter, drained his third glass of tap water, emptied his second bowl of free nuts and got up to leave.
‘Living in a different country was fun at first, everyone came to visit, everything was a novelty,’ I explained. ‘But I never really made friends there, not like the friends I’ve got here. And the job was a lot, I was working all the time, every evening, every weekend. By the end it was literally work, home, sleep, work, home, sleep. And the whole time, I could see everyone else’s lives going on back here without me. I missed it so much.’
‘You could have moved back, no one would have thought any less of you,’ he said kindly.
‘I thought if I stuck it out, it would get better,’ I said. ‘I thought I would get used to it and stop feeling so down all the time but I didn’t.’
He offered a warm half smile but didn’t respond, just waited for me to get the rest of it out.
‘But everyone kept acting like it was the most amazing thing in the world, I didn’t know how to tell them I was miserable. It didn’t seem right to complain about my life when the entire world was going through so much shit, you know? And everyone was so impressed when I was offered the job. They headhunted me, I didn’t apply, they found me and offered me this amazing deal to go over there.’ I groaned, pressing my fingers into my throbbing temples. ‘My parents were so proud of me and it was nice to be the one they bragged about for a change. Did you know my sister is an actual genius?’
He tipped his head from side to side. ‘Sumi did mention it, yeah.’
‘Of course she did,’ I smiled. ‘Jo is the miracle child and I’m just me. And my dad will never get over the fact I didn’t want to sell toilets for a living.’
‘That’s got to be tough,’ he said, biting into a chip. ‘But I’m sure they’re just as proud of you.’
‘They wouldn’t be if they knew I’d got the sack,’ I replied. ‘Isn’t it ridiculous? There’s no big story, no big scandal, I’m just a let-down. I was sad and lonely and I failed at my job, I got the sack and I don’t want anyone to know because they’ll think less of me. Honestly, I’d give anything to go back and change my mind, to not leave in the first place.’
John let it all sink in while I took a very cautious sip of wine. My natural response to dropping a truth bomb was to chug but I felt strangely relaxed. My nan was right, it was better out than in. Although, she was rarely referring to the truth when she said that.
‘I suppose one good thing came out of your coming back when you did,’ John said.
‘What’s that?’
‘You got back together with your boyfriend,’ he said, wiping his hands on a white cloth napkin. ‘You’ve been very quiet about him tonight. What’s going on there?’
It was a change of subject I wasn’t expecting.
‘Uh, everything is fine?’ I meant it to be a statement but it definitely came out sounding more like a question.
John’s features flashed into a quick ‘yikes’ expression before settling back into his sort-of smile.
‘No, it is, really,’ I said again, more certain this time. ‘Things are still a bit complicated.’
Right by the door, I saw a couple in a pink booth, clearly on a date but clearly still quite new to one another. She kept