at three,” he says, tapping his watch-free wrist. “Let’s see it.”
“Oh. Well, I don’t wanna hold up your orgy,” I tell him dryly.
“Thank you,” he says emphatically.
I clear my throat. “Right. I guess I’ll just blow, then?” I ask nervously.
He smirks but doesn’t comment on my poor choice of words. “It would be a good start, yeah.”
I lean forward, concentrating as hard as I can despite my nerves, and blow out what should be a lovely exhale of Lust. I get a mustard-colored plume of disgustingness before my throat gets so itchy I’m forced to stop with a humiliating cough that sounds like a cat hacking up a furball.
Sev wrinkles his nose and waves a hand in front of his face at the yellow gaseous rank I just blew all over him. “What the fooking shite was that?”
“Uh, my Lust Breath?”
He shakes his pretty head. “Right. Well, hate to do this to you, but I gotta tell it to you straight.”
“What?” I ask nervously.
“You’re a dud.”
I stare at him for a second as his words try to sink in. “I’m a...dud?”
“Yep. A flop. A bummer. A lemon. You’re a total bust, luv.”
My heart falls. Just falls right down to my see-through feet.
“I know, but...I’m a cupid straight to my core. At least, I try to be one, it just… Can’t you do something?” I ask.
He tilts his head. “Like what?”
“I don’t know...fix me? Maybe when you guys made me into a cupid, something didn’t stick right.”
He shrugs apologetically. “Listen, this happens sometimes. Not a right lot, but it happens. You’re defective.”
I’d cry if I were physically able to produce tears. “But I want to be a cupid. I try so hard,” I say in a small voice, feeling like my world is crashing down around me. “What can I do?”
He grimaces a little. “You’re way behind on your quotas. Your partner has done all the Love and Lust Matches since you two started.”
Shame fills me, and I look down at my lap.
“It’s nothin’ to be embarrassed about,” he adds. “I’ve seen this kind of thing before, but you can’t get your Love Arrows up. You’ve got what we call a case of cupidile dysfunction.”
“It’s not my fault. It happens out of my control.”
“I know, luv. But the danger is, the Veil could pop ya in its mouth and swallow. And not in a good way.”
I gape at him. “What? What do you mean?”
He leans forward and taps his finger against my file. “The Veil’s got laws of existence, see? It doesn’t know what to do with ya. You’re a cupid not doin’ your cupid job. Even though the big boss of cupidity won’t terminate you, eventually, the Veil will take matters into its own hands.”
Well, fuck.
“I once heard about a demon who couldn’t get a hard-on for his powers, and the Veil eventually sucked him right up.” He sticks a finger in his mouth and drags it out against the inside of his cheek and pursed lips with a loud pop! “Pop. Gone,” he says with dramatic flair.
I shake my head. “I don’t wanna pop.”
“No, I don’t fooking blame you. Which means you gotta pick a new afterlife job if you wanna keep on existing. That’s all there is to it. You’re officially fired as a cupid.”
My stomach drops like I just jumped out of a plane without a parachute.
He reaches down to his hidden drawer again and yanks out several afterlife job brochures, tossing them over to me. “Take your pick.”
Chapter 4
I barely glance at the brochures before standing and shaking my head. “Please. I don’t want to be any of those. I want to be a cupid. I want to spread love. It’s what I was meant to do, I just know it,” I say emphatically. “Making people fall in love, filling them with desire for one another...it’s all I want to do. I know I suck at it, but I’m not a quitter, and despite the evidence in that file, I’m a cupid through and through.”
He looks at me like he pities me. Hell, I pity me too.
He opens his mouth, no doubt to let me down easy, but I cut him off and rush forward so that I can kneel down in front of him. It’s a bit pathetic, but I’m desperate here. “Please. I’m begging you. I don’t want to take a different afterlife job. I want to stay in the human realm. I have unfinished business there.”
Warren Knight flashes through my mind, and my