Came Back Haunted (Experiment in Terror #10) - Karina Halle Page 0,97

see? I have to put my foot down. I have to say no…we can’t do this. A baby…I want a baby so badly, I want a family, I want it all, but we can’t. We just can’t.”

The pain keeps coming, a million knives slicing me through the heart, draining me, adding to the emptiness that keeps growing and growing. “Now? Or ever?”

“We can’t have a baby, Perry,” he says quietly.

“Now, or is this forever!?” I scream at him, lashing out, every part of me shaking to the core.

“I don’t know!” he yells back, a tear escaping the corner of his eye. “I don’t know, okay?!” He runs his hands over his face, shaking his head. “Don’t you think this is going to happen every single time?” he says into his hands. “Maybe this is a sign. Maybe everyone else was right.”

“You told me you wanted this more than anything!” I sob.

He rips his hands away from his face, his cheeks red. “I do!” he yells in anguish. “I do, but not more than I want you! I’m not doing this at the expense of my wife! I’m not losing you and that’s all there is to it.”

“That’s all there is to it?” I repeat. “This would complete us.”

“No,” he says, grabbing my shoulders, his fingers digging into my skin as his eyes wildly search mine. “No. My life cannot be complete without you in it, Perry.” He swallows thickly, another tear running down his face, which causes the tears to run down mine. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I am so, so sorry but I will not risk you in this.”

I can’t breathe. I can’t fucking breathe.

I back up and Dex reaches for me but I slip past him, heading to the bathroom.

“Leave me alone,” I say through a choked sob, going in and closing the door behind me. I start stripping off my gym clothes, tears blurring my vision. I’m aware that I’m in the bathroom alone, that I closed the door on Dex, that I’m at my most vulnerable right now, but I don’t are. Not even a little. Samantha can have me now if she wants, she can take me over. I almost welcome it. I’m so useless now as it is. I have nothing to offer this world anymore.

And yet, as I turn on the shower and get in the tub, I know she’s not coming for me here. Not now. It’s just me. All alone. Just me and that darkness pressing down from above, pressing and pressing and pressing until the light inside me is snuffed out.

Who needs demons when you’ve got your own inside you?

I collapse to the bottom of the tub, overwhelmed by grief, overtaken by the dark, wanting everything to be over. I’m mourning a baby I once had, a baby that was ours and taken from me, now I’m mourning the loss of the next one, taken before it even had a chance to begin.

There is no light in this madness, there is no light in this darkness.

“Perry?” Dex’s voice breaks through my sobs as they ravage my body, echoing off the tiles. The water streams down on my side as I’m curled in the fetal position, my fingers clawing at the base of the tub.

I hear the door close and the sound of him running over.

“Shit,” he murmurs.

Next thing I know he’s getting in the tub with me, fully clothed, the water raining down on both of us. He sits up, pulling my back up against his chest. He wraps his arms around me tightly, holding on as if for dear life, his mouth at my ear.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers to me, crying too. He presses his hand against my head, holding me in place as he gently rocks us back and forth in the falling water. “Please don’t hate me. Don’t hate me.” He kisses my ear. “Don’t leave me.”

I continue to cry, the sobs hurting my ribs, until I’m practically screaming. It’s ugly and it’s messy and I cry for everything I’ve lost and everything I will lose.

Including Dex.

Including myself.

Nineteen

“Perry?” Dr. Leivo asks.

I look up from the Reader’s Digest I’ve been staring blankly at, wondering where the time went. It feels like Dex dropped me off seconds ago and I just sat down in the waiting room, but from the gentle sound of the doctor’s voice, I have a feeling she’s been calling me for a while.

“Hi,” I say quietly, getting to my feet and heading into her office.