Came Back Haunted (Experiment in Terror #10) - Karina Halle Page 0,96
squeeze.
“Why not?” I ask, coming over to him.
He pinches his eyes shut for a moment, breathing in deep through his nose. Swallows. “Perry…”
“Why not?”
He brings his eyes over to mine and I can see how hard he’s trying to be patient with me. “We need to put that on hold. You understand that. I know you do.”
I shake my head, giving him a shaky smile. “But you said yesterday you wanted to sell this place and—”
“I know what I said,” he says quickly, eyes flashing. “That was yesterday. This is today.”
“But nothing has changed.”
If looks could kill. “You don’t remember last night? The things you said?”
“In response to the thing you did!” I suddenly yell, the words ripping through me. Fat Rabbit hops off the couch and runs into the den. “I knew this wasn’t over! I could feel it!”
“It’s far from over. You aren’t well, Perry,” he says, words breaking softly, his eyes searching my face. “You’re losing yourself, and on top of it, we have a fucking witch who is coming for you with her demon in tow. House hunting is the least of my concerns right now. That shit has to wait.”
“But change could be good. It could fix everything.”
“It will fix nothing.” His tone is pure steel. “You know that. We need to focus on you right now, not the future, not anything else but you and getting you well, making sure that you can’t hurt yourself, that she can’t hurt you either.”
I shake my head, not understanding. “What makes you think I’d hurt myself?” I ask quietly.
He doesn’t say anything for a moment, and I know he’s thinking back to when he saw the dead version of me trying to pull myself into the bathtub. Was that a ghost of me from the future, a me that killed herself? Was that Samantha in disguise? Or was that my own subconscious brought to life?
What if Dex is right, and I’m as dangerous to myself as Samantha is?
“I’m really, really worried about you,” he goes on. “I don’t know what is going on in that head of yours, you’ve closed yourself off, I can see that you’re drowning in it. You’re scared, and I’m scared too, okay? I’m fucking so scared. I don’t know what’s going to happen next, I don’t know if I can save you, save us. It’s like every minute that goes by I feel like I’m closer to losing you.”
“Maybe we could just…go away somewhere,” I say feebly.
“We’re not going anywhere. And we’re not moving.”
“But it could be the apartment.”
“And you know that it’s not! You know that this is happening to you, to us, no matter where the fuck we go. We should have never gone in that fucking house!” He takes the frying pan and, in a fit of rage, smashes it on the counter, cracking it down the middle.
I gasp. Stunned at his strength and his anger. I’ve never seen him do anything like that before.
He leans over the sink, the muscles in his arms straining, chest heaving. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, and he sounds so broken. “I’m sorry, I’m just so fucking…angry. Not at you, at myself. For not listening to my instincts. I just didn’t want to listen, I couldn’t…”
My mouth goes dry. “What instincts?” I whisper.
“The instincts that told me this was a bad idea.”
“What’s a bad idea? Moving?”
He gives a stiff shake of his head. “No. Not moving.”
“What?” I go over to him, gripping his arm. “What, Dex?”
He turns his head to me, slowly meeting my eyes. I can see everything in them, feel everything in them. All the anger and so much fucking pain, that I know what he’s talking about.
“You don’t want to have a baby anymore?” I say, my voice barely above a whisper, my heart bleeding in my throat.
Please don’t let that be it, please don’t let that be it.
Please.
But I know wishing it won’t make it go away.
Especially when Dex seems to collapse in front of my eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he manages to say, eyes watering.
I feel like I’ve been kicked in the gut, hard enough to bring my hands to my stomach, pressing them in like I’ll lose everything if I don’t.
But I’m already losing everything.
“Perry,” he says, reaching for me but I stumble backward, needing him to stay away.
“No,” I whisper, still hunched over, trying to breathe. “No. Please don’t do this Dex. Don’t change your mind. Don’t do this to us.”