full desolation. When I stand, she holds my arm. For the first time in ages, my arms are visible.
Scars upon scars.
Blood upon blood.
Sadness upon sadness.
Hopelessness upon hopelessness.
“This isn’t the answer.” Her voice is far off. “It may ease some pain at first, feel good even, but it’s a short-term remedy, and it fuels the destruction. Next time, when the need arises, draw on your skin. Every place you want to bleed, write things. Words, objects, hell, song lyrics work. Just don’t use the blade anymore.”
I nod at her, absorbing her advice.
“I’m a little broken,” I whisper.
“All the best people are.”
As soon as those words leave her, a very tall, very attractive, and very intimidating man walks in. His eyes land on his wife, and he must see something there. Because in the next second, he’s rushing to her, cupping her jaw, looking at her as if she stole all the stars and put them in her eyes so he’d never have to look elsewhere again.
I want that.
I miss that.
Fucking Toby.
They kiss passionately. The grip he has on her jaw reminds me so much of my husband that longing hits me between the ribs. I miss him. His touch, his love.
Fuck me.
It’s impossible to look away as they make love with their mouths. I should, but I can’t.
“Could you not?” Ace barks from the same area his dad came in. I stare at him as he rolls his eyes slowly. It’s apparent there’s more than the normal amount of bad blood between him and his dad.
“This is—” Lo starts introducing me.
“Joey, Toby’s wife,” he answers for her. His darkened expression rakes over me. “Guess we’ve found you without actually trying.”
“What are you talking about?” I say at the same time Lo says, “How did you know?”
He turns to her. “You’d be amazed, but after a really big argument where we barely stopped ourselves from hitting each other, we discussed the past five years of his life.”
I balk.
Lo’s jaw drops.
Ace grimaces.
“Please don’t tell him I’m here,” I cry, to which Jase narrows his eyes.
“Whether you want me to tell him or not, he’s already on his way.”
“What?” Lo and I both hiss at the same time.
“He wants closure,” he explains to the both of us. “I decided to give an inch and invited him over.”
“But I’m not ready. Don’t put me in that position—” Lo frantically denies, shaking her head, her face paling.
“You’re more than ready, Peaches. You both need this. Plus, he already knows about Lev.”
“Jason,” she whimpers in a way that’s so sad and desperate.
“Lo baby,” he soothes. “You’re so much stronger than before. You both need closure.”
She cries now. Those soft brown eyes glisten, and it hurts to see. Never in my life has a woman looked so troubled and sad while crying.
“I believe in you, Peaches. Now get your ass changed before I spank it.”
The stark contrast in his words now from ten seconds ago makes me blush like I’m a child of theirs.
“Jason!” She hits his chest, attempting to wipe her eyes at the next moment. He smacks her ass loudly, and I cover my eyes, walking backward.
“Shower. I’ll be there in two.”
Rushing out of the room before I see them paw at each other, I see Ace with a teenage girl and Lev. He’s unamused, but his eyes, whenever his siblings look at him, softens. He’s a mystery to me.
“Nauseating, huh?”
I’m thrown off by his words but nod. “I’m not even their kid, and that made me feel like a child.”
“Yeah, they’re gross. Meet Jazzy bear.” He points at his sister. Her long blonde hair cascades in waves past her hips. She reminds me of Rapunzel, her hair thick and curly.
“Hi,” her meek voice sounds out.
“And this is Lev.” He points at the little boy who looks so much like my husband it hurts. “But it seems you already have.”
I nod sadly.
Right as I’m about to make a comment, the doorbell rings out, silencing my voice, thoughts, and heart.
Chapter Forty-Eight
Present
Toby
My heart feels heavy as if I’ve lost someone. The only pain that compares is the loss of my unborn child. Even then, it doesn’t feel as vital to me as my love for this woman.
Why did her leaving force my hand? Why did it take this long for me to come to terms with my stupidity? I called Jase, and we had it out. I asked about the little boy and he told me to fuck off because it wasn’t my child.