son getting news he wasn’t expecting. News that’s unsettling and turbulent, throwing him out of orbit. I’ve really fucked them both tonight. All for some goddamn reason that makes zero sense.
“Ace, please go make sure Jazzy bear and Lev are washed up.”
Shut down.
His face darkens as he grinds his molars. His hands ball into fists, and I just know he’s on the verge of an explosion. So much like his uncle in that way.
“No one in this household but my husband and I know that information,” she scolds, washing her hands and leading me into the dining area. “When Toby and I had our affair, we were stupid.”
I want to cry, seeing as she has a child with my husband and not even I—his wife—get that kind of blessing. It shouldn’t hurt because this was before we met, but fuck, it hurts so badly.
Tears prick my eyes.
“I didn’t intend to discover that information. It fell on my lap,” I explain. “It broke me. I-I...” Tears flow freely, and the deadness inside me leaks out all over. It’s painful. “We miscarried almost two years ago, and it’s just... I needed something to bring us back together.”
Her features soften, and she’s reaching for my hands. “You’re a strong woman, Josephine. There’s nothing like losing a child.”
As she says the words, I can see the honesty, the pain, the reality of that simple statement. She lost a child, and she still hurts.
A strangled noise leaves my throat as I break down. “I’m sorry for coming here. I don’t know why I did or what led me, but I couldn’t stop. I just couldn’t stay there with him... not after what he’s done.”
She pulls me into her arms like I’m her child. She holds me, shushing me, rocking me and loving me in a way my mother never has. I cry and cry, feeling my body shake with agony.
“It hurts so much,” I sob. “Why me? Why us? Why is this happening?” My heart hammers inside my chest, bleeding as my soul is letting loose all its burden in this woman’s arms.
“Let it out,” she coos, holding me. “Cry all you need, sweetheart. This kind of weight isn’t meant to be held in.”
As I start hiccupping, she lays a gentle kiss to my forehead, just like Francis, just like Toby.
“How is Toby handling this? He’s really good at soothing heartache,” she admits with a bit of nostalgia. Even that hurts, and I’m sobbing more.
“H-He hates me. He’s never around. Instead of being here, he cheated,” I bawl, feeling my body lock up from lack of oxygen.
“Sweetie, I need you to calm down. You’re having a panic attack.” I try breathing. I try to stop the rapid rising of my chest, and I try not to feel the onslaught of emotions.
“C-Can’t.”
“Inhale,” she instructs gently, and I do. “Exhale.” I let out the most ragged breath. “Now, breathe.” I do it again. “Just keep doing that, just like that. Deep breaths.”
It takes a couple of minutes, but I’m finally calming down.
“I’m sorry,” I apologize with guilt riding me. “I had no intention of unloading on you.”
“Don’t apologize, honey. Broken people find broken people. It’s a matter of fate.”
I stare at her in awe. She could be so angry right now, but she’s not. She’s looking at me with love and understanding, and it doesn’t make any sense.
“Why are you being so nice to me?”
“Because my broken sees and recognizes yours. You’re my family now. Family soothes family. We’re meant to be there for one another and make sure to heal where we can.”
“I wish I didn’t lie to you. It feels so wrong.”
She eyes me with understanding. “If I was in your situation, I’m not sure the outcome would be different. When I lost my daughter, I’d have done anything for a connection and answers, but I shut down. It’s taken years, but I’m finally healing. Therapy helps a lot, and medication for my suicidal tendencies and depression. It’s slowly fixing the damaged pieces.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever feel whole again.” She rubs my arm softly, squeezing. It’s such a motherly thing to do, and I feel myself warming up to this woman even more.
“You will. You’ll feel complete, even if the child isn’t one you give birth to.”
Adoption.
What Toby and I had originally agreed upon before everything went to shit. I nod, knowing what she means. “I just want to be a mom.”
The pain in my voice scares even me. It’s on the verge of