The car ride feels a lot shorter than it should. It’s too soon. The hammering of my pulse sets me in motion. I’m parking my car at the house that both ruined and freed me. This home has so many memories—mostly sad—but there are those few that I keep close to my heart with a woman who was never meant to be mine.
My brother doesn’t seem to hold as much of a grudge as I suspected. Whether it’s because it’s been five years, he’s a new father again, or they’re doing great, I’m not sure. But it was his bright idea for me to come here. He said maybe closure would set me free. Maybe it’d ease my addictions, but we all know afflictions are lifelong battles. Mine is and always has been.
It doesn’t help that my childhood is nowhere near perfect or that my brother always won.
At least, he did.
But he doesn’t have a Joey. My Joey.
No one knows what that’s like.
Or so I believe.
Did she leave me for Francis? He’s been ignoring my calls, setting my trust issues off even more so than normal. I walk the pathway to the door, remembering all the times I popped in. For Dirty Dancing, coffee dates, runs, and just to spend time with the woman who held my heart like a gunman holds a hostage.
My palms are clammy as I’m about to knock. Sweat beads my forehead and lines my back despite the cool spring day.
Ringing the doorbell, I let the fear settle inside. It’s never been an issue before, but the last time I was at this door, my brother told me to leave and give Lo and him a chance to make up.
It was one of the hardest days of my life. After that, I went on a five-month bender, which ultimately led me to the woman I’m madly in love with.
When the door opens, my stomach squeezes.
Lo.
In the flesh.
Her black hair is long like I saw at the coffee shop months ago. She’s vibrant, but her eyes are puffy. Has she been crying?
“Tobes,” she mutters. It’s so soft and so caressing. I hate that she still has this way of connecting with me. Her tone always dug deep, ever since we were fifteen and didn’t know what to do with our lives. Back then, it was an obsession, and now it’s just an admiration kind of love that seems entirely platonic.
I stare at her pleased expression, and I feel elated in a way that’s insane. It’s not with the love I was scared I still held for her. It’s not with a panic that she was the only one ever for me.
No, it’s with this kind of closure.
She’s vibrant, and it’s for all the right reasons.
None including me.
And that’s exactly what I needed to see.
Her happiness.
“Going to stand out here all day?”
“Looks like your snark is back, Sparkle.” Her eyes shine at that, a little emotion bleeding through. It’s nice to see she still cares.
“Huh, seems like you haven’t left your charm either.”
“Charm?” I feign disappointment. “I’m the goddamn king.”
She chuckles and waves me in. It takes all of five seconds for my smile to fall from my face. Because right beside this door, ten feet to my left, is my wife.
Her eyes are glistening with pain. It’s not only visible, but it’s graspable. An attainable thing that I never want to see again.
I’d do anything to take that look off her face.
Instead of saying hi to the clan, I stalk directly toward Joey, my mind made up before my body could catch up. My feet are silent but hers tap as she retreats. No one exists at this moment. Maybe they all should, but they don’t matter.
Only she matters.
The woman who’s owned me since Lo broke me.
My destiny.
My fate.
The woman meant to be mine and only mine.
I stare at her heartbroken expression and want to wipe it away, to swipe it along with her tears and heal everything I’ve broken in the past year.
Why did I hurt her so much?
We continue this war between us, a battle of wills. She’s running out of space to run, and that’s exactly what I need. For her to lose. To give in. To love me back.
She shakes her head at me like a wounded animal, but it doesn’t stop me.
“You can’t run anymore, Sous. I won’t let you.” It’s dark and low, so goddamn low that I’m almost shocked at how deep I sound.