pretty fearless when it comes to skateboarding, maybe to a fault.
“No, there’s some fear,” she corrects me. “But it’s a healthy dose, in this case at least. I’m listening to it. The other stuff I’m afraid of? Needing you, getting attacked by strangers online? I’m not listening to those fears anymore.”
My hand moves to her thigh, face up, and she takes it. “If it helps, I’m scared of those things sometimes too. But you’re right, those kinds of fears don’t deserve our respect.”
She moves her gaze from the beach to me. “This one though,” I say, nodding in the direction of the vert. “It demands respect, yeah?”
“I get that now,” she whispers. Jordan leans her head on my shoulder. “You can still drop in though if you want. I’ll take the stairs down.”
I don’t want her to have to take the stairs down alone, just in case she lets a sense of defeat sneak in. “Nah, I’ll take the stairs with you.”
This time, we go down hand in hand. I might be scared about the contract being up tomorrow, about going public and knowing Jordan will take some hits as a result. But most of all, I’m happy I can finally do this, be real with her all the time, everywhere.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Jordan
We caravan down to Southskate in three vehicles. Beck’s in his van with Brie, Naomi and Summer. Taylor’s driving his car with Moses and Griff, and I’m with my roommates in Zora’s car.
I turn to Ellie in the backseat with me. “Hey, will this be weird? Sharing a rental house for a couple days with Taylor?”
She waves me off. “Nah, there are a lot of us and he’ll be busy competing.”
I know her well enough not to buy it.
“Ellie, what happened with you guys? It all seemed to be so good and then you’re telling me in a text that you broke up with him.” She doesn’t answer right away, gazing out the window. “I know it’s been a while now,” I continue, “but I guess I never really understood what happened, and since we still hang out with him a lot, I thought maybe I should?” I don’t want to pry, but Ellie’s usually super forthcoming, so I figure it can’t hurt to ask.
“We want to know too,” Zora pipes in, turning down the music as she does.
Ellie rubs her hands over her knees. “I don’t even know anymore. I really don’t,” Ellie finally says.
Lucy turns around in the passenger seat. “You said you had fun thinking about marrying him and everything but once you realized that might actually happen you freaked out.”
“What?” Zora shrieks. “He was going to propose?”
“No!” Ellie corrects, sounding horrified. “I mean, maybe someday, like in a few years, but still. That would mean that he would be the last guy I ever dated, if we stayed together all that time. And even though he’s so hot and totally into me and everything, or maybe because he’s all that, I was just like, wait. I’m not actually ready to be with the same guy my entire life. You know?”
None of us respond. Lucy and I exchange glances because, well, we’re taking that chance in our relationships, aren’t we? But even Zora doesn’t say anything.
“Okay, sorry,” Ellie says on a cringe. “I know you two are headed in that direction. But maybe it’s different for you. With Taylor, he had this reputation as sort of a player, flirted with everyone, a real charmer type. I thought it would be a challenge just to get him to commit to being my boyfriend, let alone for more than a few weeks. And then he was all in, and I did get him to change his ways. Like, was he ready to change anyway or was it because I’m super special? I don’t know.”
Words are pouring from Ellie now and Zora’s giving me big eyes from the rearview mirror, silently saying, “Well, you opened this can of worms!”
“I don’t doubt he loves me. Loved me. Whatever. But he’s twenty-two, in a different place in his life.”
Zora coughs.
Ellie huffs. “Fine, Coby is twenty-two and Beck’s like, thirty-two or something.”
“He is not. He just turned twenty-six last month!”
Ellie’s kind of laughing now, and I can tell it’s partly authentic but also slightly hysterical too. “Well, that brings me back to my point. I don’t really know why I did it! It doesn’t even make sense! I’ve got all these excuses, age being one, but two of my best friends are