never been there for me. I used to tell myself she was, even when she wasn’t. I used to make excuses for her. She was busy. She had bills to pay. She did her best. She just wasn’t like that… You don’t have to make excuses for Carly.”
When Trina bit at her lower lip and chewed on it, she looked a lot younger. “It’s just that… Why is it okay for Coop to date and stay out all night, and I can’t even look at a guy?”
“Is this really about the guy?” I ignored the breeze sweeping around the mail center and focused on her. “I mean, really.”
Slumping with her back to the mailboxes, Trina stared away from me. “I don’t know. I get the smoking thing. Fine, I didn’t even really like it, I just wanted to be cool.”
“Well, I can’t say I haven’t done things I wasn’t all that interested in to get people to like me.”
She scoffed. “Everyone loves you.”
Not everyone. Maddy certainly didn’t. That thought burned a little, but I shoved it aside for now. This wasn’t about me. “Trina…”
“I know,” she grumped and made a face. “But it’s different. You and Coop—it’s always been you and Coop. He’s my brother and he’s gross, but I want a guy to look at me the way he looks at you.”
“And you’re fourteen,” I pointed out. “You literally just turned fourteen.”
“So? When you were fourteen, Coop looked at you the same way.”
I’d give her that. Even if I hadn’t seen it the same way she did. “He’s my best friend, has been for as long as I can remember. I didn’t see him as a boyfriend.”
“Well, that was stupid,” Trina informed me with all the sage wisdom one has at her age. Then again, she wasn’t totally wrong.
“Agreed,” I told her with a wry smile. “But my point is, we were friends first. He never asked me to be anything but what I was and who I was. If you have to change who you are?” I lifted my shoulders. “To get the guy to look at you? Then no, he isn’t the guy who deserves you.”
Trina frowned.
“And cut your mom a break. I don’t live your life and I’m not there every day, but she cares enough to meddle and to keep involving your dad. I’d trade you for that. Maddy might not have cared what I did, but that wasn’t because she was cool. It’s because she just doesn’t care unless it gets in the way of what she wants.” Erin would be so proud of me. It was what she’d been working on getting me to verbalize for weeks. And I managed it without a stutter.
Go me.
Teeth dragging at her lower lip again, Trina cast me a long look. “So what you’re saying is find best friends with benefits?”
I rolled my eyes, but the corners of her mouth quirked into a hint of a smile.
“I’ll try,” she promised, though it was half-hearted at best. “Dad mentioned I could go and stay with him for a while if it got too tough here.”
I winced, but that was not an argument I could weigh in on. She was lucky to have two parents who both wanted her around. “That’s your call, but talk to your mom and Coop before you make that decision.”
“You guys are gone next fall,” Trina said slowly. “Then it’s just gonna be me and Mom, and if we’re still fighting like this, maybe I should live with Dad.”
“I don’t know how to respond to that.” I spread my arms and then on impulse, hugged her. The fierce clutch of her arms told me it was the right call. “Just don’t forget that they love you,” I whispered. “Even when you’re fighting. Or maybe especially when you’re fighting. Try to hear what she’s saying even without words. And my door is always open…”
“Except when my brother is there,” Trina said with a sniffle. “’Cause I really don’t want to walk in on you or hear you. That’s gross.”
I laughed.
Then I kissed her forehead like she was ten years younger than me rather than just four. Fourteen had been a shitty age. Thirteen hitting fourteen hadn’t been much better. But Trina was right, I’d had the guys. I’d had my best friends. Guys who hadn’t even complained when I stood in the feminine products aisle and read every box at the age of twelve to figure out what I needed. Coop had called his mom