She had no reason to. For all I knew, my father would prevent her from doing so. At least I’d made an effort. That had to matter for something.
I got out of the car, taking a second to glance across the street at Travis’ bar. I hadn’t been able to bring myself to stop by. The memories were too fresh in my mind.
As well as the horrible ache that I doubted would leave me any time soon.
If ever.
Sighing, I closed the door and headed inside, my stomach churning. Last night had been the worst since my return. I hadn’t slept a wink, tossing and turning, images of Nikolai refusing to allow me to fall asleep.
When I walked inside the diner, I was grateful there were only a couple of customers. For about a dozen reasons, I wasn’t ready for a hot and heavy night. I shifted around the counter, heading into the back, catching Becky’s eye.
She studied me carefully, as if I was a fragile flower ready to sink into the dust. While she’d only asked a few questions about where I’d gone or what I’d been through, she’d kept a watchful eye over me like a mother hen.
“How’s the little house working out for you, hon?” she asked after sauntering closer.
Exhaling, I grabbed my apron, fighting to get the strap over my head. I offered a slight smile before jerking the strings and tying it around my waist. “The cabin is wonderful. I really appreciate your family’s kindness. I want to send some kind of a thank you to your cousin.”
“Oh, Bradly wasn’t using the old place. I’m really glad it’s working for you,” Becky said. “You’ve had a rough haul the last couple of months.”
“Stop worrying about me. I’m fine.” I was anything but fine. At least my battered Monte Carlo hadn’t been destroyed in the Bratva’s attempt to hunt down Nikolai. However, almost everything in my apartment had been. If it wasn’t for the generosity of Becky’s cousin in offering the fully furnished cabin, I don’t know what I would have done.
Even though Travis had continued to try to get me to take money from Nikolai, I hadn’t been able to stomach the concept. Maybe it seemed like blood money to me. A sharp pang slipped into my heart as it did every time I thought about the gorgeous Russian. Even Travis hadn’t heard from him once since he’d left for Moscow. I knew what that meant.
I was forced to close my eyes to try to keep tears from falling. Life had to move on, but I wasn’t certain how I could do that.
“Uh-huh. That’s why you almost never smile any longer. Did the police ever catch the assholes who trashed your place?”
I’d tried my best not to think about everything that occurred over a month before, although the constant nightmares refused to allow me to forget. I was grateful the police hadn’t made any connections to the Bratva. I couldn’t imagine what would have happened if they had.
I’d returned to Waltham against Nikolai’s wishes, but I honestly had no other place to go. I was determined to finish school, the only constant in my life. However, I constantly looked over my shoulder and in the rearview mirror every time I drove. Travis had insisted I carry a gun. That much I’d accepted.
“Not so far. Evidently there were a few other houses the bastards attacked,” I lied. I felt I had to. I could never tell anyone what I’d been through.
Or what I was missing.
“Is everything all right with you, hon? You just haven’t been yourself. I wish you’d talk to me.” Becky crowded my space, her smile warm.
I grabbed the master set of salt and pepper shakers, ready to perform my duties. At least working sometimes kept my mind off everything. Sometimes.
“I’m fine. I’m just tired.”
“And not sleeping. When are you going to tell me about him?” she asked as she followed me out onto the floor.
“Who are you talking about?”
“The man you’ve been pining away for? The one you obviously spent some time with a month ago. And the same one you’ve stared out the window looking for every single shift.”
A flush crept up from my neck and without even realizing it, I darted another glance out the windows, chastising myself as soon as I’d done so.
He wasn’t coming back, even if he was alive.
“That’s silly, Becky. I’m just trying to get my shit together. Nothing more.”
“Uh-huh. You’re a terrible liar. If you want to