It’s killing her that she can’t hear what he’s saying. “My name isn’t Mitchell. It never was. And what does she know about me? How can she write a letter?”
The line is quiet as he shuffles papers.
“Does she feel sorry for me?” The thought pisses me off.
Mr. Winchester sighs. “I don’t know. It’s common for former alumni to send in letters of recommendation.”
“But if you had to guess, Mr. Winchester, why would she do it?”
There are a tense few ticks of silence. “Who knows the matters of the heart, but perhaps she sees a young girl who never got the chance her own kids did.”
A sweat breaks out on my skin.
“Will you come?”
Mara is waving her hands at me, mouthing, “YES, YES, YES.”
I close my eyes and push out the words. “I’ll let you know.”
37
Zack
I sit up in bed at five on the dot. I haven’t had a nightmare in a while, and I wonder if fighting with Reece helped me get past something.
I don’t know.
I get dressed for my run. I have to or I’ll go crazy from thinking too much.
Right now, I’ve shoved everything to do with Sugar down so far I’m not sure where it is, locked up tight and stuffed in a black box shoved into a corner of my mind. I’ve got chains and a padlock around that box, and no way in hell is any of it getting out.
I’m numb inside, keeping my emotions in check and protected.
I trudge out to the hallway and Long John Silver brushes against my legs. I give her a rub. “Hey, baby girl. You hungry?”
She meows and stalks to the kitchen, and I follow.
I don’t even notice him until I look up, but Reece sits at the table, dressed in gym shorts and an old shirt. He had his head down but it bobs up when he sees me.
We stare at each other and I mumble a terse greeting as I walk by. We’ve been stalking around each other for weeks now, barely speaking, but I won’t budge about Veronica. She isn’t allowed at this house. Once I’m gone after graduation, he can do whatever the hell he wants.
I stop at the fridge to pull out a Gatorade and suck it down. His eyes are on me, and I can’t resist asking, “Why are you up?”
He swallows. “So I could catch you and talk.”
I drink down the blue liquid. “Veronica isn’t welcome back.”
He flinches. “I know. I don’t blame you. What she did…” He shrugs and looks away.
I set my bottle on the counter and study my brother, taking in his bloodshot gaze, the purple bruises under his eyes, the haggard face. “Missing her, huh?”
His grey eyes find mine. “That’s right, good old Reece, always getting what Z doesn’t want.”
Tension zings through me, but it doesn’t have much heat. These past few weeks, I’ve lost some of the vitriol I spewed out the night Sugar walked away.
One thing is sure: I’m close to losing my brother. And that scares me.
He looks down at the gold box I brought out last night and set on the counter. “Those your letters?”
I give them a brief look and nod. “Yeah.”
“What are you doing with them?”
I toss my empty bottle in the trash, grab the box, and stick it inside my running backpack. “Letting them go.”
He blanches. “Where?”
Resignation colors my voice. “Where do you think? It’s time. I…I don’t love Willow, Reece. I haven’t for a long time. What we had wouldn’t have lasted. I was too young and so was she. You get that, don’t you?”
“Sugar, huh?” There’s an expression of acceptance on his face, a quiet realization.
My shoulders shift as I turn away from him and grab a protein bar from the cabinet.
“Z?”
I look over my shoulder. “Yeah?”
He licks his lips. “The photo of us…can I keep it?”
I give him a nod. I feel so tired. “Sure. It’s yours.” I open the box, pull it out, and hand it over.
“Thank you.” He takes it gingerly, as if it might fall apart in his hands.
I rub at my unshaven face and look away from him, finding it hard to take in his unhappiness. He’s hurting too. I catch a glimpse of myself in the hall mirror, and I’m death warmed over with my thin face, shaggy hair, and scruff that’s now grown into a thick, dark beard.
I look back at Reece and he’s watching me, pain etched on his features until they contort and his face compresses, his teeth chewing so