closed curtains I see slivers of darkness.
Lucifer yanks me toward the door and I stumble in my black sneakers, but then he turns.
I see him.
For the first time in a month, I see him.
He looks…awful.
There are dark shadows beneath his beautiful blue eyes. His cheeks are gaunt, more defined than they usually are, which is saying something. His black curls are a little longer, past his ears, messy and tousled, one flopped just above one eye. He’s always been so pale, but the veins are so stark against his skin, his ropey muscles leaner than before I left him.
I can’t breathe, looking at him.
At the mucus dripping down his nose that he wipes away with the back of his hand.
My stomach clenches. He’s still using. And as I step closer, taking a good look at his nearly blown pupils, I feel sick.
He’s not going to stop.
Another reason I can’t go back. Another reason I have to save Jeremiah.
I can’t do this.
I shake my head, fear clawing at me, closing up my throat. I open my mouth to tell him everything—everything—but then I see his eyes flick to the small scar over my brow, a frown on his face.
But he trails his gaze lower.
To my throat.
Murderous rage seems to pass over his features. His jaw is clenched, his full lips pressed into a line, his dark brow furrowed.
I realize he isn’t wearing a bandana, only a black shirt, black pants, black Converse.
But there’s no bandana, and as he reaches for mine, dragging me to him, I have a sinking feeling that I don’t quite understand about that.
About the fact we don’t match.
Not right now.
And the fact that I finally understand what he sees on my throat as he yanks me up, my tiptoes just barely grazing the floor. He stares at me with disgust in his eyes, like he wants to spit on me. Like he hates me.
I grab for his shoulders, but he shakes his head, his jaw clenched. “Don’t fucking touch me.”
“Fuck yourself,” I growl at him, not letting him go, digging my nails in. “Go fuck yourself.” Where is he? Where the fuck is my brother? Ria? Nicolas?
Lucifer smiles. “Didn’t have to, baby girl. Somebody already beat me to it.” His eyes shift to my throat as my blood runs cold. “Did he do that? Did he fucking put his hands on you?”
I already lied to him. I’ll do it again and again, if I can just get. To. My brother.
“No,” I whisper, feeling my stomach churn as I do. As I lie again. And then more. “It wasn’t him. It was—”
He drags me closer, and I swallow, the bandana digging into my neck, closing around my throat as the knot slips tighter, the way he’s got the end of it, ensuring it does choke me. “Are you lying to me?” he asks me, his voice low. More hoarse than usual. Delicious and raspy and so fucking angry.
I move my hands from his shoulders, try to yank at the bandana, to give myself room to breathe. He slaps my hands away, his nostrils flaring, more mucus dripping down his nose, over the Cupid’s bow of his beautiful lips.
“No,” I tell him, swallowing down my regret. My anger, so I can just find him. “No, I’m not, Lucifer. He—”
“Who touched you?” he snarls, not easing up with his grip. “Who. Fucking. Touched you?”
My mind goes wild, trying to think of someone in a split second. Someone. Anyone that isn’t my brother or Nicolas. “One of his men, it was an…argument and he—”
Lucifer lets go of me. Steps back, looking down at the floor. “Are you lying to me?”
I grit my teeth, trying to swallow my anger again. But he just fucking admitted he cheated on me. I don’t know why the hell I’m lying anymore. “You piece of shit.” I snarl those words, stepping closer to him. “You fucking cheat on me, and you fucking lie to me, and the entire time we were together, you fucking treated me like shit!” I’m screaming those words now, my finger against his chest. “How fucking dare you? Of course it’s from him!”
I see him look up, pain crossing over his face like a shadow.
“You didn’t fucking wait! You were at Julie’s!”
He blinks, like he’s surprised that I know. My stomach twists into knots when he doesn’t deny my words.
“Fuck you. He fucked me, three fucking times, and you fucking deserve it!” I slap my palm against his chest and he flinches,