behind my own, and I don’t even know why. He’s never judged me for the people I’ve slept with. Never judged me for the people who touched me even when I was too young to allow them. I know he’s been angry, and said hurtful things, but I know, too, that he’s never held that over my head.
“You’re not a whore,” he says quietly. For some reason, the gentleness in his voice, it feels painful.
Cain yawns, loudly, making a show of it. “We know she’s not a whore. But we know, too, this is Ignis. You want her to be one of us?” There’s a pause, Lucifer’s jaw ticking, but his eyes still on mine. “Let us initiate her.”
My blood heats with his words.
There are five men in this room, my husband just one of them. My brother another. And Ella is here, too.
Could we…would Lucifer let us all…do this?
Ezra is hurting, his mom still missing, and I’m surprised he’s here at all. Surprised he didn’t stay home with Brooklin, who got a job down at the coast and has been away the past few days.
I’ve heard from Mav and Ella’s whispered conversations in their house that Atlas and Natalie aren’t speaking at all.
Cain is constantly fucking girls, getting into fights.
Mav is wrestling with the guilt over things he can’t control, and no doubt, the guilt of what he plans to do to his dad.
And my husband…my husband’s demons haunt him so deeply, I’m surprised I still see anything human when I look into his beautiful eyes.
Ella is learning all about a world that she’s probably scared to death of, but she won’t leave my brother.
And I…I’m torn between two brothers that would tear each other apart before they’d agree to let me have them both.
This room is full of pain.
Sex can heal.
And even if it can’t, it fucking feels good trying.
Before I can think too much about it, Maverick’s fingers are at the edge of my tank top, warm against my smooth skin.
But I freeze, the second I think to lift my arms over my head.
The scar.
The fucking J.
“Aw, don’t be shy, Angel. I know how you really are,” Mav whispers in my ear. I hear footsteps, light and hesitant, and I think it’s Ella, but Mav is still trying to pull my tank top over my head, while Lucifer’s eyes seem to be burning a hole in his fingers just under my shirt.
“Why you so scared, Angel?” Mav asks me quietly, but then he stills behind me, his body radiating tension.
Because he knows too. He changed me that first night.
Saw me naked.
He clears his throat, doesn’t let go of my shirt, but he starts to speak, and I know he’s talking to Lucifer. “Why don’t you hit that DMT?” he asks quietly. “Might make this more fun for you.”
I tense but Lucifer has his fingers around that pipe, and he glances down at it in his hand, then back up to me. “No.”
Mav laughs. It’s carefree. He’s convincing. “Come on, bro. We have to set everything up anyway, and I need to ask my wifey for permission before I can play.”
Cain’s dark rumble comes from behind us. “Sorry, Ella. Doesn’t matter what you say. Ignis is for the fire.”
Lucifer ignores Cain, but his eyes dart up, just past me, and I know he’s looking at Ella. That familiar feeling of anger starts to swell within me. He didn’t bother asking my fucking permission. But I push the anger down. I don’t want him to see J’s initial.
After a moment, Lucifer sighs, brushing his hand over his curls, then picking up the little baggie. He jerks his head. “She doesn’t need to see this.”
I hear someone laugh. I think it’s Cain, and before I can twist in Mav’s arms, music starts to play.
Kid Cudi. The Mood.
Mav’s fingers trail up my arms, goosebumps forming in the wake of his touch, and he says to me, “Let’s get you some water,” then pulls me to my feet after he stands, too. I glance back at my husband, see him watching me as Atlas comes to sit beside him, a hand on his knee.
His eyes don’t leave me until Mav, Ella, and I are in the kitchen.
The same song is still playing.
I smell something like burnt plastic, but Mav assures me it’s the DMT. As if that’s an assurance.
The lights are off, and it takes me a second to even find Lucifer.
But I see him, because those red candles are in silver