it, and sometimes I’ll think of how distant Aron has been for the last few days and want to vomit over the choice I’ve made.
I love him. I just am utterly terrified for what the future holds, because it feels like we’re barreling toward it.
And I can’t stop thinking of the thread that the Spidae pinched off as if it were nothing. I see it every time I close my eyes. Are they going to pinch off the front of my thread like that when it’s my time? When Aron has to ascend again? Or do they pinch Aron’s thread with the same carelessness? The thought makes me sick.
I take to my bed, pulling the covers over my head and sinking into a fitful nap.
I wake up to a hot mouth on my neck, and a big body pressing mine into the mattress. Electricity—that delicious static that always builds between me and Aron—crackles in the air and I moan as he pulls my gown open, exposing my breasts.
“Faith,” Aron murmurs. “Wake up.”
I jerk awake with a gasp as I realize what’s happening. Aron looms over me, his eyes troubled, but they’re clearer than they were before. I grab his jaw and study his face, trying to see if any remnants of Apathy remain. “How are you feeling?”
“I am a god,” he says. “Why would I not be fine?”
Well, that sounds like Aron, but I’m not entirely sure. Time to test the waters a bit more. “I’ve been thinking about getting kinky in the blankets. You finally down for some butt stuff?”
“That depends.” He kisses my nipple and gives it a gentle tug with his teeth. “Are we talking your butt or mine?”
“Does it matter?”
“Not to me.” He grins wickedly.
For a moment, the breath catches in my chest. The relief I feel immediately turns to ice. What if…what if something happened to Hedonism and that’s why Aron wants to have sex? “I changed my mind,” I say quickly. “No butt stuff. No anything. Can we just talk?”
Aron tilts his head. “Talk?”
“About anything but sex,” I say desperately. “What about strategies? How are we going to get to Yshrem without an army? Is it safe? Or should we go back to Novoro?”
He snorts and reclines on the bed on his elbow, gazing down at me. “I will sooner walk all the way to Glistentide before I take an army of Novoran fops as my protectors. Do you know that their idea of a combat tourney involved capturing flags? Flags! Because they did not wish to hurt themselves.” His lip curls in disgust. “If I am to acquire an army, it has to be the best one possible. You know this, Faith.” And his hand goes possessively to my stomach. “And the best are most certainly not Novoro’s pathetic troops.”
That’s Arrogance and the god of battle, all wrapped up into a pretty bow. He’s not Hedonism. I don’t need to check the strings to know that, and I’m so relieved that I burst into tears.
“Shh,” he murmurs, and pulls me against him. “I’m sorry. I haven’t been myself for the last few days, have I?”
“Apathy,” I manage to choke out. “Apathy is dead.”
“I know.” He strokes my hair, letting me weep against his chest. “There is only one left, which means we cannot stay any longer. He will move to meet us, and I would rather meet him with an army on the fields of Yshrem.”
I nod, but all I can think about is my thread. How easily the Spidae plucked it from its moorings and snapped it. How it fell against the Aos world web so limply. How it’s only tied to Aron now. “And once we beat him…what happens to us?” I whisper. “What happens to me when you win?”
“If you worry that I will send you away, the answer is ‘never,’” Aron says. He holds me tighter. “You’re not leaving my side. I won’t let them part us.”
It might not be his choice. I hug him close. “Just promise me that when you absorb the last guy and then re-ascend, you’ll never forget me, all right? Even if we can’t be together, I need you to always remember me. Promise it.”
His hand clenches possessively in my hair. “You are not going anywhere, Faith. I have promised.”
“All right,” I whisper, but I’m not entirely sure I believe him.
He holds me close, but I don’t want to leave it at that. I need him as much as he needs me, I think.