feeling helpless. Did I just give my friend up…?
I’m surprised when one of the Spidae – the one with blue eyes – turns back and approaches me. I back up a step as he heads in my direction, and there’s a look on his face I can’t decipher. He pauses in front of me, thinks, and then leans in.
“They won’t check your pockets, you know.”
“O-kay…thanks?” I pat my pockets, but they’re empty. And before I can ask him what the hell he’s talking about, he’s gone.
69
This horrible day seems to last forever. Aron is distant and vague, gazing out at nothing and speaking to no one. He answers when I ask him questions, but his answers are always along the lines of “I don’t care” or “It doesn’t matter” so I stop asking. I just have to wait this out, I tell myself a hundred times as I try to stay busy.
Yulenna is gone as if she was never with us. I go to her room and her things have been removed, and sometimes I catch a hint of her voice, but she never materializes. I suspect that the Spidae are keeping her from us so she won’t change her mind. They’re hiding their new toy.
It falls to me to talk to Markos, Kerren and Solat. I tell them about Aron’s apathy, and they listen with solemn expressions.
“So we no longer have the advantage,” Markos says. “Now, each Aspect of Aron has killed another.”
“Was that an advantage we had?” I joke lightly. “It doesn’t feel like one.”
“An advantage is an advantage.” Markos shrugs. “But when Aron is himself, we will discuss plans.”
I bite my lip and nod.
“What of Yulenna?” Solat asks. “Where has she gone this day?” He paces behind Markos and Kerren, his expression tense.
“That’s problem number two,” I say hesitantly. “She’s decided to anchor for the Spidae. They’ve taken her away.”
Solat goes pale. “She what?”
“It was her decision,” I say quickly. “She spoke with them and decided. It has to be given freely—”
Solat slams out of the room. “Yulenna!” he bellows, storming down the hall.
I wince. I knew that would go badly, especially given that they were clearly friends-with-benefits or more. “It was her choice. I have to honor it.”
Markos rubs his mouth, shocked. “This has been a day of surprises, none of them good.”
“We need time,” Kerren says, then corrects himself. “Solat will need time to understand.”
“Aron’s going to be out of it for the next few days if it’s anything like when he took on Liar Aron’s Aspect,” I say, twisting my hands in my lap. For once, I’m not hungry. I just want to close my eyes and go to sleep. Maybe Aron’s apathy is affecting me, too. “But once he’s back to himself…”
“We should leave,” Markos agrees. “To Yshrem.”
“To our destiny,” Kerren adds, and I flinch.
Funny how that word “destiny” keeps popping up and it sounds more awful every time I hear it.
It takes two full days before Aron snaps out of his “apathy.” Two days of wandering around the somehow lonelier tower, now that both Aron and Yulenna are gone. Well, the Aron I know is gone, and in his place is a stranger who stares at the walls and gives a shit about nothing.
I ignore him. I have to, or I’ll snap. I pretend like he isn’t there, and when he wanders from room to room in that listless way of his, I make sure to leave. I can’t stand to see him like this. I know it’s not him. I know it isn’t. I just…can’t have him look at me with that same bored, uncaring look that he gives the others.
It’s quiet with Yulenna gone, too. There’s no one to talk to, really. The men are busy. I see Markos packing up the men’s supplies or sparring with Solat, who’s turned into an angry, silent man and not the laughing tease he was before. I see Kerren praying over the marker for Vitar’s grave, and I’m a terrible person because all I can think is that I’m glad there was no body, since the dead aren’t staying dead right now.
I try to sew, but it’s not fun without company. I should practice my staff-work like Aron showed me, but I don’t have the heart. I can’t concentrate. As companions go, I’m pretty useless, and it fills me with panic.
I don’t have a way home. Not any longer. I’m here now, forever. It hits me by degrees. Sometimes I’ll be fine with