to stick my finger down my throat and gag.
A ringing in my ears initiated.
The fake smile I was sporting disappeared.
Wait.
They used to work together.
Work together.
The color drained from my face. My eyes were trained on Jeff, but he didn’t make eye contact. Were we still together when he started to have feelings for her? Did he dump me because of her?
Jeff cleared his throat, looking only slightly uncomfortable. “Yeah, she left when I made partner at the firm.”
I nodded and gripped my stomach, feeling nausea hit me straight in the gut. We’d still been together when Jeff made partner. I wondered if indiscretion had caused Jean to leave the office.
I rocked back on my heels, my equilibrium off. “Why did you leave?” I asked before I could even stop it.
“Complications.” She giggled.
Jeff still could not meet my gaze, and my hands trembled at my sides as I ran down the timeline of our relationship in my head.
He wouldn’t. The Jeff I knew didn’t cheat, but the Jeff I thought I knew also wouldn’t have left me.
Brad piped up. “Funny, when we got together, she never mentioned Jeff once, but then again …” He kissed the side of my neck. “… I’m sure she can think of nothing else but me when we’re together.”
His hand slipped further down my back, to my ass, and he squeezed, but I didn’t even react, didn’t feel a thing, except for this burning sensation rising in my gut and a fear that my gut was never wrong.
Had Jeff and I ever been real? I searched Jeff’s face, willing him to look at me when he was lovingly looking at her.
Just then, the bridesmaids made their way out the door, and so did the bride and groom. Bubbles were blown, kisses were exchanged, and I couldn’t get out of Jeff’s and Jean’s sight fast enough. I walked steadily in the direction of the car, and when I knew I was out of view, I sprinted.
I rushed into the car and slumped against the seat of Brad’s fancy Porsche. I gripped the warm leather beneath my fingertips, wishing, hoping, wanting to melt into the seat. Maybe I could forget that all of this was happening.
“So, that’s Jeff,” Brad said, his tone indicating he wasn’t impressed.
“The one and only.” My only, I had thought at one point. Where did I go wrong? Where did I fail him in our relationship? When did I stop being good enough?
My pulse slowed, and the hollowness in my chest widened.
“Interesting,” he merely commented.
“Interesting?” I gave him a pointed look. “What’s so interesting about our interaction? Was it the fact that I probably looked like I wasn’t over him? Was it the fact that I’d never heard about Jean until today, yet she’d heard everything about me? Was it the fact that he was probably cheating on me the whole time we were together?” I slammed a fist against the dashboard and clenched my jaw to prevent the tears from falling.
“Who cares?”
I blinked, my mouth slipping slightly ajar. “Who cares?”
His face was devoid of emotion, even compassion, which a heartbroken girl could’ve used a little of by now. “I mean, why should you care? It’s over.”
“Because it still hurts!” I burst into a ball of emotional fury. “Have you ever been in love? So deeply in love that you want to be with them all the time and the sun rises and sets on their face and they’re the last person you want to see at the end of your day?” I tore my gaze from his and stared vacantly out the window, watching happy couples hold hands and head to their vehicles.
“I gave my everything to that relationship. He was my it guy. The one for me, the one I was going to have children with. We shared our hopes and dreams for the future, our future. We talked about it. He talked about it, and then, one day … it was like those conversations never existed.” Tears warmed behind my lids.
“You wouldn’t know anything about this because you’ve never, ever been in love before or had an it person.” My trembling hands flew to my chest, and I visibly shook. “It does matter because everything I thought was real was fake if he was with her, and I refuse to believe our relationship was a lie.” I dropped my head into my hands, not wanting to relive this nightmare of a day that had barely started.
I took deep breaths through my