helped old ladies across the street and regularly took Communion, but, as we all know, appearances are very deceptive. He had the symbol of the Rebel Alliance tattooed on his arm, and the Force was strong in his family.
“No.” Nina shook her head. “Keep your head in the game. You know the rules.”
“It might make me quicker.”
Lauren snorted into her beer. “Yeah, because that’s something people say all the time: We need to move with maximum speed and efficiency; break out the pot.”
The trivia contest began, and Book ’Em kicked butt for an hour or so. Then a late entry arrived to harsh their mellow.
“Oh crap,” muttered Carter. “Look who it isn’t.”
Nina craned around. “Who isn’t it?”
“Dammit,” said Leah. “It’s You’re a Quizzard, Harry.”
Nina kept a straight face, but inwardly she was vexed. Quizzard was really the only challenge they had in the East Los Angeles bar trivia world, which, admittedly, is an extremely small world, but Nina was competitive.
They watched as Quizzard, which was three guys and a girl, like the bizarro-world version of them, sat down at a table across from them. The team leader was clearly the tall guy who narrowed his eyes at Nina, and then raised his hand in mock salute.
Nina held his gaze for a second, then yawned hugely.
“Nice,” said Lauren. “Subtle.”
“He annoys me.”
“Is it his cuteness or the fact that he knows so much more about sports than you?”
“He’s not cute. And he knows more about sports because he’s a dumb jock. Have you noticed he never answers a question about anything other than sports?”
“That’s not true; he answered a question about supermodels a few weeks ago.”
“Pah, swimsuit issue,” said Nina.
Lauren and Leah looked at each other over her head. “I think it’s the cuteness, personally,” said Leah. “I think you two are destined to fall in love and run off together on a trivia honeymoon.”
“Which would take place where?”
“The Culver City studio where Jeopardy! is filmed?”
“Washington DC, so you can geek out at the Library of Congress?”
“Hawaii?”
They all looked at Carter. “What has Hawaii got to do with trivia?” asked Lauren.
Carter shrugged. “I don’t know. I was focusing on the honeymoon part.”
Nina sighed. “He’s objectively attractive but subjectively repulsive, on account of his overwhelming self-confidence.”
Carter nodded. “That’s right, because women hate a confident man. That’s why Luke is so much more attractive than Han.”
Nina said, “Sarcasm gives you wrinkles.” She looked at the Quizzard team leader, surreptitiously. He had dark hair that seemed uncombed, which was good, and a bony, lean face that only just missed being traditionally handsome because he’d clearly broken his nose at some point. “Besides, he looks like he fights, and I’m a pacifist.” Neither of these things was strictly true, and Carter rolled his eyes.
The quizmaster tapped on his microphone. “OK, we have a new team joining the fray, You’re a Quizzard, Harry. The current leader, Book ’Em, Danno, is ahead by ten points, but we’ve still got three rounds to play, and, per the rules, late teams don’t get any extra credit, so, good luck, everyone.”
Nina checked that everyone had their pencils handy, and spare paper for notes. No one else needed paper and pencil, of course—she was the one who filled in the answers—but she liked everyone to be prepared. What if she suddenly had a seizure and broke her pencil? Her brain smash-cut to a slo-mo of her falling to the ground, the pencil snapping under her, pieces of wood and graphite flicking across the floor. She really needed to get laid; this kind of daydreaming couldn’t possibly be a good sign. She looked over at the Quizzard guy who, she had to admit, was totally sexy and probably as dumb as a stump. No, brain, no, she told herself, to which her brain responded that she was not in any way responsible for the issue at hand, and suggested Nina address her complaints to a lower authority.
“Are you paying attention, Nina?” barked Leah. “They’re handing out the quiz sheets.”
“Yes, yes.”
She took the sheet from the quizmaster, who leaned over and said, “Ten dollars Quizzard beats the crap out of you.”
Nina frowned at him. “Howard, get a grip. We’re already one round ahead. It’ll be hard for them to catch up.”
Leah leaned over and poked the guy in the chest. “Hey, just because I wouldn’t go out with you, there is no need to drag trivia into it. This is an honorable sport, played by honorable people.”
“In honorable bars,” chimed in Carter.
“At honorable times,”