The heat from his hand seeps through my tank top as he rubs my back up and down. Over and over again. The gesture is almost hypnotic and finds a familiar cadence with his steady heartbeat that pulses against my cheek. My breathing evens out as his warm breath tickles the top of my head.
“What are you thinking?” I whisper.
“That you’re worth waiting for.” He pulls me closer, then rests against the headboard and drops a quick kiss to the crown of my head. “Get some rest, Blue. I’m not going anywhere.”
I wait for sleep to pull me under, but it doesn’t come. Not unless I can quiet the what-ifs that are badgering me.
“Hey, Diece?”
“Yeah?” he rumbles.
“Will you kiss me?”
“I, uh…,” he hesitates. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Blue.”
“Why not?”
“Because I need to make sure you understand that you don’t owe me anything.”
“And what if I already understand that?” I challenge, pushing myself against his chest to face him.
“I’m not a good guy, Q. I’m the big, bad mafia man, remember?”
“I know that.”
“Then why would you want me?”
“Because I think you could be my big, bad mafia man,” I tease. His smile relieves an ounce of the pressure in my chest.
“Would you want that, Q? To own someone like that?”
The thought makes me pause before I lick my lips and admit, “I think I could. Might just depend on who. Will you kiss me? Please?”
Inching closer to me, he whispers, “What’s your safe word?”
“I know my safe word—”
“Say it.”
“D—”
“Answer the question, Blue.”
“Fine,” I huff. “Six.”
“And what happens when you say your safe word?”
“You stop,” I tell him for what feels like the thousandth time.
“Good girl.” Then he inches closer until his breath fans across my cheek, and I can almost taste him on my tongue. I feel like I’m about to die from anticipation before he brushes his lips against mine. The kiss is soft yet laced with a promise that I can feel in my bones. Cupping the side of my cheek, he tilts my head a little to the left, then runs his tongue along the seam of my lips, daring me to open up to him. When I do, I smile before getting lost in his kiss all over again. The air is electric around us as I inch my thigh over his waist, desperate to get closer to him. With a low growl, his hand slides down to my bare leg before his fingers dig into my flesh, begging me to give in and straddle him the way I want. The way we both want. I let my body lead the way, running on pure euphoria before my inner thigh brushes against D’s erection.
Then I freeze.
Sensing my hesitation, D squeezes my thigh again, then releases his grasp on my leg and tangles his fingers in my short hair.
With a final kiss against my lips, he breathes, “Get some sleep, Blue.”
“You sure?” I whisper. The feel of his hard cock has practically branded itself against my inner thigh. “I can—”
“Stop right there, Blue. You don’t owe me anything. You never owe anyone anything,” he emphasizes. “I’m just lucky enough to have experienced that kiss.”
“But—”
He presses a soft peck against my forehead. “Let’s get some sleep.”
My eyes well with tears, but I don’t let them fall as I lay back down on his chest and nuzzle closer.
This time, when I close my eyes, I don’t see Sei’s hungry stare. I just see darkness. And I relish the respite before burrowing closer to my protector. Because if he’s by my side, I just might be able to find peace.
14
Q
My skin is slick with sweat as my feet pound against the treadmill. I would’ve called it a day thirty minutes ago, but the sight in front of me has been an epic distraction from my tired muscles. Diece’s knuckles are taped as he continues to beat the freaking punching bag like it offended him. He ditched the shirt almost an hour ago and has been making my mouth water ever since. If it weren’t for my past, I’m pretty sure I would’ve laid down on the floor and offered myself to him on a silver platter.
Especially after that kiss. That mind-blowing, earth-shattering kiss. The one that makes my toes curl by just thinking about it.
Then my self-doubt creeps in. If I did have the courage to face my fears and offer myself to him, he’d see the bruises. The cuts. The marks left by my abuser. Most