walk out? Just keep that door slammed in her face. Am I getting close?”
I gape at him. Not because I haven’t had these same half-baked ideas floating around in my brain, because I have. But because these self-destructive thoughts sound so absurd when spoken aloud by someone else. And because I never would have suspected that Griffin, of all people, possesses this sort of insight.
“Here’s the thing, Damon,” Griffin says, nailing me with that penetrating look of his. “I’m pretty sure she’s already noticed that you’re not perfect.”
I’m in love with you. At moments like this, it gets hard to remember exactly why I’m in love with you, but I am.
I wince, fighting the sensation that Griffin has clamped defibrillator paddles on either side of my head and shocked some sense into me. Could he be right? Is that all there is to my insanity? Just…insecurity? Just standard, garden-variety irrational fear? And if that’s my entire problem, am I stupid enough to let it stand between me and Carly?
No. No, I am not. I may be exceptionally stupid at times. But I’m not that stupid.
There’s going to come a moment, probably sooner rather than later, when you start to miss me and your fear of losing me is a million times worse than your fear of admitting you love me.
Jesus. What have I been doing? Pushing Carly away?
What the actual fuck have I been doing?
I’m still sitting there with revelations reverberating through me when Griffin kills the rest of his drink, sets the glass down on the coffee table, gives a single decisive clap and stands.
“Let’s go,” he barks at Ryker, who looks startled. “Our work here is done. You’re driving.”
“But…” Ryker says, sadly eyeballing the rest of his drink. “We just got here.”
“Yeah, but I’ve got stuff to do back at the office,” Griffin tells him. “Besides. He gets it.”
“I don’t get it.” I stand too, oddly reluctant to let my unlikely cavalry right off and leave me alone with my churning thoughts. I feel encouraged, yeah, but there’s still plenty of room for me to screw this whole thing up once they leave me to my own devices. “You two had the exact same fucked-up childhood that I did. Mom walked out on you two just like she walked out on me. Why aren’t you screwed up?”
“We are,” Griffin gravely assures me. “We’re just screwed up in slightly different ways.”
Well, that’s certainly true, I decide with a bark of laughter. Especially in Griffin’s case.
“Yeah, but how do you keep that from torching your relationships?” I think about how happy these two have been since that eventful night at Bemelmans last year when we all met our matches. Every day is Christmas now for these two, judging by the looks on their faces most of the time. “Why do you make it look so easy? What do you know that I don’t know?”
To my surprise, Griffin clamps his hands on either side of my face and gives me a look of purest empathy. No mischief for once. Just brotherly support and understanding.
“Nothing. We figured it out. You will too.” He gives my cheeks a stinging smack. “As soon as you grow a pair of real balls.”
“Fucking asshole,” I mutter, laughing and energized as I watch them wave goodbye and file out.
Time for me to get my princess back. And to seal this deal. For once and for all.
20
Damon
She glides in like the queen of everything without bothering to notice the fancy Friday night crowd here at Bemelmans. Forget about making eye contact with anyone or acknowledging the pianist plinking away on the grand. The server gets a nod of thanks as he seats her at the leather banquette against the wall at one of the small round tables nearest where I sit. A hint of a dimpled smile as she accepts the menu. Then the server walks off and she lowers her eyes to study the drink selections, retreating into a cool bubble of aloofness that only the brave would dare try to penetrate.
Too bad I’m not feeling that brave at the moment. Hard to feel brave when the only thing standing between you and a miserable and lonely existence is your questionable ability to explain your inexplicable behavior. If only I could press a button on my phone and receive instant assistance from SEAL Team Six. God knows I could use the backup.
But this is a good first step, right? She agreed to meet me for drinks. Actually