longer I’m awake. There are flashes of a lifeless Kathy in a bathtub and Papà’s face screaming out to me from the shards of a broken mirror.
Willing my heart to calm down, I sweep my hand across my damp forehead. It was just a dream…
Once I’ve taken a few deep breaths to calm down, I become more aware of my surroundings. I’m still at Scratch’s place. He’s currently sprawled on his back beside me, fast asleep.
We’re both fully clothed and on top of the covers. I glance at the digital clock on the nightstand. 3:16 AM.
The last thing I remember is making our way upstairs after we came in from the patio. We’d laid in bed and spoke about random, inconsequential stuff, simply enjoying each other’s presence, until we fell asleep at some point.
Carefully, I ease out of bed and shed my jeans and blouse before climbing back in. I’m wide awake and afraid to go back to sleep for fear of another nightmare, so I curl onto my side and preoccupy myself with watching Scratch sleep instead.
He’s a rough kind of beautiful, and I’ve been obsessed with that face, that nose, that jawline since the day I first laid eyes on him. Now I’m here in his bed and I don’t know what to do with myself. The longer I look at him, the more the aftershocks of my nightmare fades to allow room for something else. Lust. Desire. Heat. A heat that unfurls in my stomach before flowing down between my thighs.
For a brief moment, I close my eyes and think about that night again. It wasn’t the most pleasant experience, but it was still the best I’ve ever felt. Because it was him who was touching me, kissing me, claiming me…which was a fantasy come true.
He’s bigger now, fiercer, rougher, more determined with his touch, with the way he watches me. More focused and purposeful than before. I both like and fear it.
I reach across and take the hem of his shirt between my thumb and forefinger and gingerly begin peeling it up to sneak a peek of his abs. But before I know what’s happening, I’m thrown onto my back with sudden swiftness and his forearm is bearing down on my throat, cutting off my airflow. His face is contorted with rage, murder in his eyes.
I can’t breathe. I can’t…breathe.
Panic has me slapping wildly at his hands and bucking my hips, trying to get him off me, trying to get him to see that it’s only me.
“Scra…I…Ple…”
It’s too hard to breathe, let alone speak. There’s no airflow. He’s too strong for me. I can feel my eyes bulging, darkness creeping in at the corners.
Please, Scratch, please! Wake up! Wake up from your rage and fear and look at me. Look at me!
Just when I begin to think, ‘This is it. I’m going to die at the hands of the same man who, mere hours ago, made me feel safer than I’ve ever been’, he suddenly rips himself away and blinks rapidly.
“Wha—” His eyes blow wide as he looks down at me. “Holy fuck...” He scrambles backward and off the bed. “FUCK!”
Heaving in a lungful of air, I jackknife up, gasping for breath, slightly dazed and dizzy. Feeling as if I’ll pass out if I don’t get enough airflow fast, I scurry off the bed and find the closest wall to lean against, keeping my feet apart and away from the wall, my hands lax at my sides. Just the way Papà taught me to recover from breathlessness.
“Jesus Christ, Ley, I’m so sorry!” he says, sounding terrified. He rushes over to me and cups my face, dipping his head to meet my eyes. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry! I thought you were…I thought...”
Exhaling, I lift my hands to cover his. “I know. It’s fine. I’m fine.”
“No, it’s not,” he rumbles, his voice breaking. “I could’ve killed you.”
“But you didn’t.” I try to force a smile. “I’m here, see?”
His hands shift down from my face to my neck, touching gently. “You’re bruised.”
“They’ll fade.”
Expelling a defeated breath, he squeezes his eyes shut and drops his forehead to mine. “Maybe this isn’t a good idea. Us sleeping together. It’s not safe for you.”
“No.” I shake my head. “You don’t get to say what’s safe for me and what isn’t. I do.” I find his hands between us, lacing our fingers together. “I understand that you’re going to be dealing with a lot of mental issues after all you’ve been