into Grunt's bitch’s old spot."
It pisses me off when he talks about Toni like that, but it's a waste of time defending her honor with him. He resents Toni and that's not going to change. "I've outgrown the trailer."
His stare connects with mine. "You mean you've outgrown the club."
I don't respond. There's nothing to say to it. I've wanted to leave long before Grunt ever did. But unlike him and Kendra, I barely had anything to live for.
Service was my way of making my life mean something before I was snuffed out. I went away to die, but instead, I found a reason to live. Her.
Judge rotates his wrist in a dismissive gesture. "Don't feel guilty ‘bout it, son. Knew I lost you the moment you told me you joined the army."
"Yeah?"
He outs his cig on the desk instead of the ashtray, which is just a few inches out of his reach. "Cookie and I never talk about him—no one does—but we've got a brother. Jerry. Club name was Roller. 'Bout fifteen years ago he up and joined the army. Served seven years. When he came back, he was a different man, scarred inside and out. Tried to change the club. Couldn’t live the life he’d left behind and was pressing for us to go legit. Club didn't take kindly to his new views. He got voted out. De-inked. He left Denver. We haven't heard from him since."
Hell. This is news. "But you know where he is, right?"
He leans back in his chair and laces his fingers behind his head. "Cookie probably does. But she ain’t gon’ tell me if I ask her."
"Ah, you voted against him, too…"
"And I’ve regretted it every day since. Should've listened to him. ‘Cause now the club's tied up in so much shit we'll never get out of it." With a heavy sigh, he leans forward and drops his forearms on the desk. "I see in you the man I should've been. The way you looked after Grunt and Kenny, that’s the reason I took you on. I should've been that for Roller and Cookie. But I was too caught up in greed and violence. I try to make it up to Cookie every day, but Roller's my biggest failure. I've got a chance to make it right through you, and I will. You know too much, seen too much, so the club won’t trust you wanting out. But Onyx and I'll support you. Prepare for a nasty fight, but I'll make sure it happens."
Dumbfounded, I sit back. I'd been putting off this meeting for as long as possible because I’d known it wouldn’t be easy telling him I wanted out. I'd anticipated insults, threats, and even a fistfight. But not this. Never this. "Wow. I don't...I don't know what to say."
“But you gotta start coming ‘round more, man,” he says. “Show up when needed. Do a few drops. Fondle some Club Cats. Get back in before we can get you out. You know how it works.”
I rub my jaw with the heel of my palm. “Yeah, I know.”
"I'm an old man now," he tells me. "I don't get a second chance. Someone's gonna put a bullet through my brain soon. Wouldn't be surprised if one of our brothers double-cross me and set up my murder. With this life, it's what I expect."
"With all due respect, I think my second chance was cheating death multiple times in war and making it home alive."
He chuckles hoarsely. "Well, consider this your third. If the Big Man, whoever he is, spared your ass, it's for a reason, and I ain't gon’ be the one to stand in the way of that."
~
I notice the tinted black Escalade as I’m riding out of The Metal House. The same black Escalade that's been tailing me for the past four days, while I've pretended to be none the wiser.
Don't know who it is or what they want, but I've given them enough time to make their approach or shoot to kill, whatever their intention is.
Merging into traffic, I let them tail me. Most people would lead their tail to isolation, but I’m as crazy as they come. If they want to kill me, they'll have to do it in broad daylight in front of hundreds of witnesses.
I lead them on for around eleven minutes, and when I see a red light coming up ahead, I decelerate and shift lanes, giving them no choice but to drive ahead of me. Once the light