a body hadn’t fallen on me and covered me in blood while I was praying, they would have killed me too.”
“So to what god should I offer sacrifices for saving your life?”
“None. It was a coincidence. A lazy soldier who didn’t clean the blood from his sword in freezing weather and couldn’t draw his sword.”
“While you just so happened to be praying,” she said. “That’s quite some coincidence.”
“Yes,” Solon said, more roughly than he meant to. “That’s what a coincidence is. Anyway, sorry, when I went to Dorian’s black oak, he was gone. His tracks lead north, toward Khalidor, but I couldn’t follow. I had to see you. Nothing else mattered. I signed on with a captain whose last run of the year was to Hokkai.”
“So this is why you believe Dorian’s prophecies,” she said.
“This is the dragon’s heart, Kaede. I’m the second king. A third king lives or dies by what I do with this.”
“What are the two fears?” she asked quietly.
“My fear of Khali and my fear of speaking the truth. The latter was the fear that cost Regnus his life. I feel like I’ve been given a second chance, first to speak honestly with you, and second to face Khali again. ‘Broken north, broken you, remade if you speak one word.’ I’ve still got something broken inside, Kaede. I thought marrying you would fix it, and I can’t tell you how happy I’ve been, and how much I want to stay here forever, but there’s a part of me that still whispers ‘coward.’”
“Coward? You’re Solon Stormrider! You braved the winter seas. You put down a rebellion single-handedly. You resisted a goddess. How are you a coward?”
“Dorian needed me when he went into Khalidor. He’s probably dead because I didn’t go. Regnus is dead because I wouldn’t risk telling him who I was. If the prophecy is true, there’s a word I have to speak, a life I can save, and I can be remade.”
Kaede’s eyes were troubled. “Will it be enough? Will there not be ever one more thing you need to do to prove that voice wrong? Will you chase valor until it kills you?”
He kissed her forehead. “I’ve already done the hardest part: I’ve told you the truth. I won’t go unless you give me your blessing. My loyalty is all to you, Kaede.”
Her eyes filled with a weight of grief. “My love, I won’t give your death my blessing.”
Solon held her gaze for a long time, then he tossed the Heart of the Dragon aside. “Then I stay,” he said.
Kaede pivoted, sitting astride him. She put her hands on both sides of his face and looked deep into his eyes. “Please don’t ask again. Please.”
“I won’t.”
Her lovemaking was so fierce it left him breathless. She rode him to a silent climax, and even as her pupils flared and her breath caught and her fingers clawed into his shoulders, her eyes never left his. Then she clung to him, shaking, tears and sweat mingling on his chest, but she didn’t say a word.
82
I don’t know if I should have married you,” Jenine said. “I think I made a mistake.”
They were sitting together in the enormous Godking’s carriage, slowly rumbling toward Black Barrow. Despite the dangers of bringing her to a battle, Dorian hadn’t been able to leave her behind. Some plot might unfold in Khaliras that would take her from him. And if he had another episode, she was the only person he trusted to cover for him.
“But you love me,” he said. “I know you do.”
“I do,” she admitted. “I respect you and I enjoy your company and I think you’re brilliant and honorable. You’re a great man. . . .”
“But?” he asked woodenly.
It came out in a rush. “But it’s not like it was with Logan. I know it’s not fair to compare you to a man who’s dead—maybe I just remember all the good things about him now that he’s gone, and I know—maybe it isn’t fair to expect love to be the same every time. Maybe with Logan I fell in love the way a girl falls in love and a woman’s love grows slowly and protects itself. I don’t know what it’s supposed to be like, Dorian, but sometimes I feel so empty. Maybe I should have waited.”
I’m a fraud. But what could he do? Tell her the truth? Send her back to Cenaria and her infatuation for some petty princeling she didn’t even know? Together they were changing a