“Won’t that make things worse?” I sigh and pull on my shorts.
She glances into the bathroom and makes sure Stephanie is still wrapped up in applying her morning face, while brutalizing a Madonna classic with her tone-deaf voice. Michelle fiddles with a strand of her hair and bites her bottom lip, “You know I want to help you Megan, but Jessica and Michael are really pissed. You don’t want to ruin their day after party too.”
Unlike Stephanie, Michelle has secretly been sympathetic to my circumstance from last night. As soon as Stephanie hit the shower, she broke down and told me everything Jessica had said once I left the reception. She even revealed, that Jessica has forbidden them from speaking with me. Of course Stephanie is on board with Jessica’s wishes, which is no surprise to me since every time Jessica and I have ever had a remote difference of opinion, she would immediately become Team Jessica no matter what.
Then Michelle makes a point of telling me she knows that Ben’s behavior last night was not at all my fault, and she tried to tell Jessica that. Of course Jessica refused to agree, and said she couldn’t believe I hid sleeping with Ben from her. When I try to explain to Michelle my side of the story, she silences me by waving her hand in my face. She finally reveals that Jessica said it wasn’t my lying about Ben that she can’t forgive. It is how I intentionally led on Steven and embarrassed both of them in front of their whole entire family.
I become welled up with remorse and ask Michelle if she thinks I am an awful person. She confesses she understood why I hid what was going on, and insists I am far from awful. She even admits she thinks Jessica has taken everything a little too far. But right away she makes me promise I won’t tell anyone that we spoke. Michelle is worried that if Stephanie got wind of her Team Megan stance, she would rat her out to Jessica and only add unnecessary fuel to the fire.
“What should I do then? Find Jessica later and talk to her in private? We leave tomorrow on the same flight. She can’t avoid me forever.” I say and flop down on the sofa in misery.
“Do you love him?” Michelle asks ignoring my questions all together. She leans against the desk with a curious glimmer in her eyes, and tosses her hair up into a bun.
“Forget about Ben” I whisper and roll my eyes, “What should I do about Jessica?”
“Forget about Jessica.” She teases, “It’s a simple question. Do you love him or not?”
I am not sure why I am scared to admit it out loud, but I think it’s because once I actually verbalize my feelings they will either sound absolutely ridiculous, or frighteningly real. I am petrified to tap into those deep dormant emotions, because I know exactly how I feel about Ben, despite how badly I am trying to fight it. Because even though I told him I wanted him out of my life for good, the truth is that I am terrified of my life without him. No matter how much I try to deny my feelings, I love Ben, I always have and I always will.
“Yes” I mumble, unable to look up at Michelle.
“Sorry I can’t hear you.” I hear a smirk shine through her voice.
“Yes okay, I love him.” I hiss.
“What the hell are you doing then? Why are you sitting around here worrying about Jessica and Michael? They will forgive you. Maybe not today, but soon enough, and right now, you and Ben need to fix your shit.”
“But Michelle, it’s not that easy” I whine slouching further into the sofa like a three year old child being scolded by their mother.
“So you are just going to let him go? So he can go out and have more meaningless sex with girls like Stephanie?” Michelle asks tapping her foot on the floor.
“Maybe that is all he wants! Maybe that is all I was to him too!”
“Ben would never do that to you, he worships you.” Michelle chuckles.
“Oh please.” I say rolling my eyes, “Yeah, he worships me as a friend who drinks beers with him over a Blackhawks game on a Thursday night.”
“Go and find him right now. You need to give him an ultimatum. You are either together for real, or you’re nothing at all.” Michelle commands and