of this! I was happy how we were. He’s the one that started it!”
I wait for Eric to say something more, but he only stares back at me with skepticism, as if he doesn’t believe for a second I was opposed to Ben’s charming good looks. I guess I expected him to be more understanding and sympathetic to my circumstance. I know I am to blame, but I do not want to admit it. That is why I didn’t turn down his coin toss that night. Drunk or not, I secretly hoped it landed on heads. I wanted Ben more than I let myself believe. I feel anger welling up inside of me, “Well he slept with Stephanie too!”
“Whoa…what does that have to do with anything?” Eric calmly asks.
“They kept it a secret from all of us.” I defensively shout trying to pull Eric on my side.
“That’s no secret. I knew they slept together.” Eric laughs, “Stephanie practically raped him that night after the party you held at your place.”
“Great.” I sigh.
“Ben’s been with a lot of girls, you know that.” Eric says, and if this is his attempt to try and make me feel better, it isn’t working.
“Yeah exactly, he’s a player, and I’ve been played.” I snort throwing my head into my hands.
“Stop the dramatics Megan.” Eric laughs and continues, “Have you ever seen Ben ever get that upset over a girl, ever?”
I pause and think hard, but I can’t come up with anything, “He just can’t handle hearing the word no, and I am just the first girl to ever to say it.”
Eric rolls his eyes and rises to his feet, “Believe what you will. Come on. I’ll walk you back to your room.”
“No, it’s okay. I think I want to walk alone.” I say wiping away a few residual tears and pull off my ridiculous heels.
“Are you sure?” Eric asks raising his brow.
“Positive.” I say, when he gives me meager hug of pity.
As soon as I hit the sheets, I break down. The tears burn my cheeks, and my silent heaves of agony are never ending. I can’t get the look on Jessica’s face out of my mind. It was compiled of three of all the worst emotions: disgust, betrayal and anger.
All of this eats me alive. How am I ever going to make this up to her? How is she ever going to forgive me? I have gone from the best maid-of-honor to every bride’s nightmare. I can already see Jessica retelling this story to her new clique of suburbia housewives:
So not only did she lie to me about sleeping with Ben, she humiliated me by letting me set her up with my more than perfect cousin. And if that wasn’t bad enough, Ben ruined my whole wedding by punching my sweet cousin in the face and revealed their dirty little secret and embarrassed me in front of my whole family. They ruined my big day! Can you believe the nerve of her? After all these years?
I slam my head into the pillow and scream. Damn my shit luck. This is why I don’t do relationships! This is why I play by the goddamn rules and this is why I am blatantly neurotic. What in the world was I thinking tonight? Honestly, when I look back at how I acted, I was just a selfish fool. Not only did Jessica and Michael deserve better from me. But Steven deserved the truth.
If I thought I hated Ben before when I found out he slept with Stephanie, nothing compares to how much I hate him now for humiliating me and ruining the wedding. I curl up into a ball under the covers, still in my bridesmaid dress with trails of mascara streaking down my cheeks. I think of my mother, alone and miserable all these years. Is that what my life has come down to? Should I just go out and buy a bunch of cats and take up knitting as a hobby, because I feel like I am one step away from completely losing my mind. Whoever said friends with benefits would work was so wrong. This is way more painful than any other breakup I have ever experienced, and we weren’t even dating! I close my eyes and take a deep breath, feeling the most alone I have ever felt in my whole entire life.
Chapter 19
“If I were you, I wouldn’t even think of coming to the day after party.” Michelle advises me the following