looks like you picked him up from a magazine shoot.”
I covered my mouth and giggled. Grayson was jealous. I suppose I could relate. Every time I thought about him with Kyla, I felt like I wasn’t good enough anymore. Grayson saw Chad as a threat, and he should have. In two days I’d had more fun in and out of the bedroom with Chad then I could ever remember having with Grayson. My husband was sort of selfish when it came to sex. Chad went out of his way to make each time we were together amazing. I don’t know. Maybe I was just excited because it was something new, at a time when I felt like the rest of my life was a huge mess. He distracted me, and also made me feel like I was sexy and attractive. He made it easy to forget I’d been cheated on. “He’s a friend and that’s all you need to know. I owe you nothing as far as an explanation goes. You ripped me apart. If I enjoy someone else’s company, it’s your own fault. You did this to me, Grayson. Don’t forget it for a second. You set all this into motion, not me. I’m just trying to get by without wanting to give up altogether.”
He wept in his hands, unable to look up at me. My heart ached for him. It was obvious his pain could have been diminished had I been caring, yet I wasn’t going to budge, not yet anyway. Until I could stop being so angry, Grayson was going to have to deal with the repercussions of his own actions. My extracurricular activities weren’t his concern. Maybe in some ways I was doing it to get back at him, but when I thought about today’s actions, I wondered if it was more about me wanting something I’d never had before; something Grayson had never been able to give me.
I sighed, feeling like I was making his pain worse, and sat down beside him. “A part of me will always love you. We will need to get along for Stephanie. She’ll want to spend holidays together. I need time to heal so I’m able to do that. I’d like to be able to be in the same room and not want to strangle you. Right now it’s still too painful. I’ve never felt so alone as I did when I saw you with Kyla. I trusted the both of you, and you took me for a fool.”
He tried to reach for my hand before I pulled it away. I stood, unable to allow him to try again. “Rachel, don’t give up on me.”
“I have to go to bed now. I’ve got a busy day tomorrow. On top of everything you put me though, I almost lost my job. I was home early that day because we got word the company was closing it’s doors. Charles is retiring and his family wants to pursue other ventures. I needed you, and come to find out you were here fucking a child we’d thought of as family. Speaking about it makes me sick.” I turned my gaze away from him. “I have an opportunity to save the company, but it’s going to take a lot of time and I’ve already committed to it. Tomorrow I’ll search for a small place to rent. I get how much it hurts you. It’s killing me too. You think I wanted to see this happening between us? I wanted to be with you forever. When I said those vows I meant them.”
“I know,” he replied sadly. “I’m sorry about your job.”
“Like I said, I think I can save the company, and even better my position. I met with Charles and his grandson today. We brought the lawyer and accountant in, and went over the numbers we’d need. We’re going to have to move to a smaller facility, and half the staff will still be without jobs, but it’s a start. I’m hopeful I can keep a lot of people who need their jobs to support their families. I’ve got a lot to do, and I know if I throw myself into this, I’ll be able to get by day to day without you in my life. I won’t be happy. There’s nothing I want more than this to all go away. It’s just not feasible. I’m asking you to give me time. I can’t offer anything else.”
He nodded, even though I could tell he