not my life, so …”
A guttural laugh escaped from somewhere deep inside me. “And you think Chance is the right guy for me?”
“I didn’t say that either. I just know Jared isn’t,” she said with confidence before looking somewhere over my shoulder.
Sunny was obviously feeling bold today. We’d talked about Jared before but never to this extent.
“I swear you used to like him. Then, one day, it just”—I paused as I snapped my fingers—“changed for some reason.”
Sunny offered no further explanation. “Yeah, I don’t know. You guys fight a lot. He’s pretty controlling. And I’m not sure if that’s just a New York thing or what, but I don’t know if you even see it.”
I started to feel a little defensive, like she had struck a chord or offended me somehow. Right when I was about to argue with her, I realized that she might be right. “I do see it. And I know that things between us have changed, but I just don’t know what it means. I’m not sure that things won’t go back to the way they used to be, you know? Like when we get back home after graduation, maybe things will get better. Do you think that’s possible?”
“Are you actually asking me?” She started laughing, and I did too. Sunny had dated a handful of guys throughout the years, but they never lasted longer than six months. “Because you know I have no idea. You’re the only person I know who is married to their high school sweetheart.” She made a throwing-up face.
“We are not married,” I argued. “We don’t even live together.”
“Thank God for small miracles,” she breathed out, and I swatted her shoulder out of instinct more than anything else.
I was grateful, too, that Jared and I didn’t live together. Again, another red flag wildly waving itself in front of my eyes that I refused to acknowledge or see.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you still in love with Jared, or do you just love him?”
I swore she held her breath as she waited for my response, but her question honestly choked me up.
Of course I loved Jared. He had been there for me when my mom died. And we had been friends for years before we ever started dating. Loving Jared wasn’t a question at all. I absolutely loved and cared and wanted the best for him.
But was I in love with him?
“Earth to Danika.” Sunny snapped her fingers in front of my eyes. “It wasn’t that hard of a question.” She narrowed her eyes to study me. “Or was it?”
“I was just thinking.”
“Thinking way too hard, if you ask me. You don’t even have to tell me anymore. I have my answer.”
“That’s not fair. We’ve been together a long time, and it doesn’t feel like it used to. Those all-consuming emotions fade away. I think if we burned that hot the whole time we were with someone, we’d all burn out eventually.”
I remembered being madly in love with Jared, feeling the way it’d owned me every single time I took a breath, like I couldn’t get enough of him. But I hadn’t felt like that in years. Do people always stay in a constant state of in love with their significant others, or does it change the longer you’re together? Does love ebb and flow like the ocean, or is it supposed to stay solid at all times, never altering its course?
“So, are you in love with him or not?”
I wanted to lie just to make her stop asking me these uncomfortable questions, but I couldn’t. “I don’t know. But I do love him,” I emphasized the last words.
“I know you do.” She sounded almost sad. Like she wished I didn’t. “Let’s talk about Chance again. It’s way more fun.” Sunny grinned, and I started shaking my head.
“Let’s talk about Mac instead.” I poked her shoulder, realizing that I’d never properly harassed her about hooking up with him at the party.
Her cheeks instantly turned red.
“Oh my gosh. Did you sleep with him and not tell me this whole time?”
“What? No! Mac doesn’t sleep around.” She looked at me like I was crazy for not knowing this.
“What do you mean, he doesn’t sleep around? The guy’s, like, the biggest player on the planet. How is that even possible?”
Her face pinched, her expression bewildered. “You really don’t know?”
“Not unless you tell me,” I said, equally as confused.
“Mac got his heart broken freshman year. I’ve only heard rumors about it, so I don’t know how