Because I Want To - Grace R. Duncan Page 0,39

from what I understand. Like… excruciating. I, uh, heard it when Mom and Dad did it. I was five and supposed to stay over at your place. I forgot my teddy bear and came back for it.”

Matt winced. “And heard your mom.”

“Yeah, so. Um… that’s why I’m afraid to pair, to be honest. The thought scares the shit out of me, but… the thing is, it’s not really because I think we’ll split up, though… it is possible.”

Obviously Matt didn’t like that. He frowned. “But… I don’t see it happening.”

“Does anyone?” Adam countered.

That didn’t go over any better, but Matt reluctantly nodded. “True.”

“Anyway, it’s not just that. It’s… the bigger problem is that I know you.”

Matt raised an eyebrow.

Adam rolled his eyes. “Seriously, despite all this,” he said, pointing at his belly. “That aside, I know you. If we were to get together, and something did happen between us, like… if we just didn’t love each other anymore, or weren’t even friends… you’d still stay with me.”

Matt opened his mouth as if to argue, but Adam held his hand up.

“Look, we’re both still young. Maybe more mature than others our age, thanks to my omega status, but still. People change over time. I get that. But what if we’re in love now, but that changes as we grow and get older?”

Again Matt opened his mouth, but shut it of his own accord, then frowned. “But….”

Adam shook his head. “Doesn’t matter, though. I mean… would you want to put me through the pain of a new bite? Or a life without sex? Would you want me to end up primarily taking care of the child alone?”

That brought a rueful sigh. “That’s annoying.”

Adam managed to flash a smile. “Yeah, it is. Look… beyond what I would feel in all that, I don’t want to see you trapped. I don’t want to do that to you.”

“Kinda making my decisions for me there, aren’t you?”

That made Adam wince this time. Matt was right. “Yes, but that also affects me and our child. If you stay out of duty, because you don’t want me to go through a new bite or no sex or whatever, we’d both be miserable. And our kid.”

Matt frowned again, then nodded. “Yeah, I can see that.”

“It’s just… it scares me,” Adam said, voice low, eyes once more on the bed and not on Matt. He took a breath and forced himself to speak louder. “I…. It’s not that I don’t trust you. Or that I don’t love you. I do, on both counts. It’s that there’s so much that could happen. After all those fears, I ended up pregnant anyway. And now….” He had to pause as the annoying urge to cry hit him hard. Fuck his hormones sideways with a wire brush. He swallowed hard several times before he felt like he could speak. “And now you’ll feel like you have to stay, even if you realize you don’t really love me. And I…. It… fuck.” He lost the fight he had going with his emotions, and tears slipped down his face. He swiped at them, annoyed to no end over his hormones choosing now to get erratic.

Matt tilted his face up and brushed at the tears. He leaned in and kissed each of Adam’s cheeks, then sat back again. “Tell me, do you want to be with me? No, don’t stop to wonder if you’ll trap me.”

Adam scowled at that. “Dammit.”

“That’s why I’m being specific. Do you want me? Do you want to be with me?”

It took him a moment to answer. He didn’t want to give Matt the answer in his head, in his heart, but despite all he’d left out between them, he didn’t want to outright lie. “Yes. But… I can’t pair, Matt. Not yet. Maybe not ever.”

The pained look that flashed across Matt’s face before he hid it sent a stab through Adam. But it was gone as quickly as it’d shown up.

Matt took a deep breath, then let it out. “I… have to admit, it’ll be hard for me.”

“I told Ethan that,” Adam said. “I’m not sure if I’m glad I know you that well or not.”

Matt shook his head. “Let’s go with it being a good thing. We still know each other when it comes down to it.” He hesitated and dropped his gaze to their hands. Adam didn’t even remember Matt taking his, but he pushed the thought off. Matt brushed his thumb over the back of Adam’s hand. “Could you