Because I Want To - Grace R. Duncan Page 0,40

do this for me? Could we just take it a little at a time, for now? Let me be with you. Let me sleep next to you at night. Let me be your partner, at least as a first step.”

Adam considered it carefully, but he’d missed Matt so much. He’d loved knowing he could sleep in Matt’s arms. He could even admit he’d loved knowing if the morning sickness hit—even at night—that Matt would be there to hold his hair. Looking up at Matt through his eyelashes, he studied his best friend. Matt looked so hopeful, Adam had a hard time feeling like “no” was the right answer.

“I want to be clear. You’re talking about us picking this house or yours and outright living together, right?”

Matt nodded, lips spreading into a tentative smile. “Yes.”

Even that was scary, and Adam’s heart pounded as he thought it through. But it wasn’t much more than what they’d been doing before things fell apart the week before. And it wasn’t that things couldn’t go back to them being friends yet. He didn’t have to agree to marriage or biting or anything like that.

“Okay.”

The tentative smile spread across Matt’s face, turning into a grin. “Yes!” He nearly yanked Adam in, then almost toppled over onto the bed.

“Hey! I’m too big for that.”

Matt laughed and both of them flopped down anyway. He leaned over Adam. “Thank you.” He kissed Adam hard, and it took several moments for Adam’s wits to catch up to him.

When they broke apart, he gasped for air, and when he could speak, he poked Matt. “Some way to thank me, by smothering me.”

That just made Matt chuckle.

“Asshole.”

“I don’t deny it,” Matt said, then caught Adam’s lips again. When he pulled back this time, he tilted his head. “How are you feeling?”

Adam gave it real thought. He was pretty sure he knew what Matt was asking, and he wasn’t about to let them start something, only to have to puke halfway through it. But his stomach was calm. Lunch had stayed down nicely, and nothing seemed even remotely close to coming back up right then, even with movement. He smiled. “I’m feeling okay. Did you have something in mind—” He paused and swallowed, then said, “Partner?”

Chapter 18

Matt didn’t think for a moment that it would be that easy. It helped a lot to understand Adam’s fears, though it hurt that he was just now hearing about them. He didn’t quite understand why Adam hadn’t at least told him some of this before. The only thing Matt could come up with was that if Adam had been holding on to his feelings, he’d have been afraid those might come through in a discussion about his fears.

It didn’t matter. It wouldn’t help either them, or the situation, to worry about that part of it. They needed to look forward.

He had work ahead of him. Matt knew he couldn’t suddenly get rid of Adam’s hang-ups all at once. It was going to take some doing. And he could be patient. He would be. Adam was more than worth it.

Matt wasn’t exactly sure where to start, though. How did he prove to Adam that he wanted this, that he didn’t think he’d ever feel trapped? He recognized they were still young, but that didn’t mean they didn’t know what they wanted. And considering they were going to be parents in barely over seven months, they were going to have to mature pretty damned fast anyway.

He’d always dreamed of building a life with Adam. It was true that had usually involved being finished with college first, but the imminent arrival of their child meant it wasn’t going to happen that way. While he had no doubt Adam was going to want a job, it was going to fall to Matt to make the lion’s share of the money, at least until Adam had recovered from childbirth and could go back to work himself, if he wanted to. They’d face that when the time came, and it would mostly be Adam’s decision. Matt knew better than to try to tell Adam to do anything. He was quite sure the reply to a suggestion like that would involve sleeping on the couch. A lot.

With no better idea of what he could do at the moment, he decided renewing the feel of Adam in his mind, touching and showing his love, was something a good place to start. And he needed it, needed to remind Adam how much Matt loved him.

He