sorry for him, I asked where he fitted in. That’s quite different.’
Yes, it was, and she didn’t know why every word he said caught her on the raw. She swallowed hard. ‘I’m sorry, I thought …’ She looked away but the robin had gone. She really was on her own with him now. Gathering her thoughts, she said flatly, ‘Richard was the sort of man who should never have fathered children. He didn’t like them. It was as simple as that. He had no time for little ones, none at all.’
‘Not even his own?’
If she hadn’t been so tense she would have smiled at the incredulity in his voice. ‘Not really. We knew each other for such a short time before we got married, just twelve weeks or so.’ Stupid. Very stupid. ‘He was … different afterwards, but by the time I was beginning to think we’d made a mistake I found out I was expecting a baby. Two, as it happens.’ She gave a wan smile but his dark face was still in the lengthening shadows. ‘I’d had a stomach upset on honeymoon. They said it had probably interfered with the pill. Richard wanted me to have an abortion and we rowed terribly when I refused.’
She shifted slightly in her chair, wondering why she was telling this to Steel Landry, of all people. ‘I’d always thought my going through with having the babies had made our marriage the way it was, blamed myself for it, I suppose, although I would never have considered doing anything else but what I did. Of course I knew nothing about the gambling, this whole other life he lived. Whether I could have helped him if I’d found out, I don’t know.’
‘Not if he didn’t want to be helped,’ Steel said quietly. ‘The first step in conquering any form of addiction has to be a desire to be rid of it.’
She nodded. ‘I suppose so.’
‘I know so.’ He hesitated for a moment. ‘My father was an alcoholic, on and off the wagon once or twice a year. Most of the time he was a good husband and father, but when he was on a bender …’ He shook his head. ‘But my mother loved him. He’d been on the wagon for months before they went out one night with friends to celebrate their twentieth wedding anniversary. He started drinking that night and although he wasn’t falling-over drunk when he left the pub he was on his way. Apparently, according to one of their friends, my mother wanted to drive but he wouldn’t let her. He changed when he was drunk and she wasn’t strong enough with him so she gave in. He killed himself and my mother and a young couple with a four-month-old baby in the crash that followed.’
‘Steel …’ Even in the darkness she sensed his pain.
‘If my mother had phoned me I would have gone and picked them up, she knew that. I’d just bought my first old jalopy.’ He stopped abruptly and she felt rather than saw him take control. When he next spoke his voice was flat, cool. ‘He liked it too much to want to be rid of it, that was the thing. Just like your ex. When the need was there it didn’t matter about anything or anyone. An addiction does that. It’s evil.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ she whispered.
‘It was a long time ago. I’m merely illustrating the truth that you couldn’t have helped Richard unless he was willing.’
It might have been a long time ago but he was still hurting. Toni leant forward but the words she’d been about to say were never voiced. Instead her mother bustled out of the house, her father following with the tray of coffee, and the moment was lost.
It was only ten minutes or so later that her parents said they were going to bed and took their leave of Steel. ‘We find it’s early to bed and early to rise since the twins came,’ Vivienne said with a smile. ‘It’s been a long time since Toni was small and I’d forgotten what energy little children have.’
Steel had stood up to shake their hands. Now he watched them go and resumed his seat as he said, ‘I must let you get to bed too. I’ll finish my coffee and make tracks, OK?’
Toni nodded but made no comment. It hadn’t escaped her notice that for the last ten minutes or so Steel had concentrated on talking to her parents and had barely