musical instruments and possibly a muscle car when she turns sixteen. I loved Mike deeply, but he was like an octopus—once he got ahold of somebody, he never let them go.
Even if he was strangling them to death.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” That was his opening gambit, one I recognized from many verbal chess games we’d played in the past. I nodded, and he barreled forward, intent on leading me by the nose to wherever he wanted me to be. “You know I still want you to come work for me. You could head up—”
“Mike, stop.” It was hard enough to load the dishwasher exactly how Jae liked it to be arranged without fending off my brother while trying to concentrate on my own personal game of reverse Jenga. “Just stop.”
I didn’t know what to do with the glass baking dish, because the damned thing just didn’t fit and I couldn’t remember the precise arrangement it needed to go onto the rack in order to be cleaned properly. Consigning it to a hand washing, I put it in the sink, then leaned against the counter to face my brother.
“I appreciate you a lot. And I’m glad we’re at a point where we can talk and scream at ball games together, but I’m not a little kid. I haven’t been a little kid for a long time,” I said gently, shaking my head to stop him from interrupting me, because I could see that happening. “I have you and Maddy to thank for dragging me out of that darkness Ben put me in. Out of all of that shittiness, us getting back on a path to being brothers was the best thing that happened to me.
“I’m going to be the first one to admit I was pretty fucked up and you were there when I was just pretty much a zombie. And I need you to understand that I’m not spitting in your face, because I love you. I love the hell out of you and Maddy and the screaming terror you call a daughter, but you need to see me as I am now.” Clasping his shoulder, I squeezed lightly, pulling him in a little bit, just so we were closer. “I’m a lot healthier than I was five years ago. Hell, even three years ago. And I have all of you to thank for that, but I also worked hard to get in a better place, to fix some of the things that were broken inside of me, and I can’t be a grown-up if I use you as a safety net. There may come a time when I want to change professions, and if you’ve got a place for me then, maybe I’ll see if it fits, but it goes both ways now. If you need something, you know you can depend upon me. I’ve proven that. And I will die to protect what’s yours, because it’s mine as well… family, I mean. Those ugly clothes you wear while playing golf are going to be the first thing on the bonfire if your life ever crashes and burns.”
“There’s nothing wrong with my golf clothes.” Mike sniffed indignantly, and we both ignored the tears dampening the edges of his eyes. “You really should take up the sport. It’ll help you relax.”
“Do you really want me to start playing a sport where they give me a weapon I could use to bludgeon people? Isn’t it bad enough that Bobby’s got me in a boxing ring?” I teased, drawing my brother in for a tight hug. “I’ll be okay. I’ve got a permit to conceal carry, and if things look a little crazy, I’m going to tap out. I’ve learned that lesson. Deal?”
“I don’t think you have,” Mike argued, mumbling into my shoulder because he was that much shorter than me. “But I trust you to hear us if we tell you it’s going too far. And O’Byrne will kick your ass if you get shot.”
I laughed despite the emotion choking both of us. “That’s only because she doesn’t want to do the paperwork. Now, why don’t we head back into the living room, and you and Bobby can argue about what kind of gun I should carry so I can ignore you and just take the Glocks that I like.”
Eleven
WIPING MY bottom lip clean of whipped cream, I sighed, “I don’t know which god is responsible for Mexican hot chocolate, but I would risk human sacrifice and the plague of